Original ID : 783 Created On : 2002-11-24 Last Modified : 2005-05-01
Makes You Blind
If you wank into your own eyes and do not rinse, wanking can make you go blind. This is bad, as you need your eyes to wank if you’re going to get the spunk out in under 30 seconds. “Thinky Wanks” take longer and are not worth it.
Jon B
Makes You Deaf
“Wa-ka Maya Deh!”
“Pardon?”
“Wan Kamakya Deeeh!”
“What?”
“Wanking Makes You Deaf!”
Blacky
Makes Your Balls Shrink
I was told, and believed, that wanking used up bits of your balls, and therefore every wank would make your balls shrink a little. When they finally disappeared, you would be unable to support life, and would die. Rather than making me relish each wank, this made me frantically wank at every opportunity, using the same logic that convinces fat people that eating things quickly reduces the body’s ability to absorb the calories.
Jon B
Apparently Clare Fieldhouse masturbated 13 times in one day, the dirty bitch. Most I ever managed was 7, and I’m male.
Yes, but it only counts if it’s to ‘issue’ for a boy (or certain talented lady actresses in bongo fillums), or wobbly wetlegs for a girl. I mean, I have maintained a lazy lob for HOURS in front of daytime telly when throwing a sickie without actually blowing my stack. I demand a recount.