Law of the Playgroundhttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/Recent content on Law of the PlaygroundHugo -- gohugo.ioen-gbsuck@me.com (Liquid Snake)suck@me.com (Liquid Snake)[CC BY-NC-ND 4.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/)Wed, 07 Dec 2005 00:00:00 +0000Quadron Club, thehttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quadron_club__the/Wed, 07 Dec 2005 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quadron_club__the/<p>An ever-evolving gentlemen&rsquo;s society which began by setting up a club where three of us would all cram ourselves into a big drawer under a friend&rsquo;s bed and pull it closed.</p> <p>When the (clearly) limited point of such a club was realised, it evolved its practices thusly:</p> <p>Reading comics in the drawer.</p> <p>Reading comics next to the drawer.</p> <p>Putting George in the drawer.</p> <p>Putting George in the drawer until he begged for release.</p>An ever-evolving gentlemen’s society which began by setting up a club where three of us would all cram ourselves into a big drawer under a friend’s bed and pull it closed.

When the (clearly) limited point of such a club was realised, it evolved its practices thusly:

Reading comics in the drawer.

Reading comics next to the drawer.

Putting George in the drawer.

Putting George in the drawer until he begged for release.

Hitting George.

Stealing from George.

The society was forced to disband with the arrival of homemade ninja weapons and a trip to hospital for George and his newly grounded friends.

Tony G
]]>queefhttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queef/Thu, 25 Aug 2005 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queef/<p>A vaginal fart. Also useful for attracting the attention of Keith, who will say &ldquo;what?&rdquo; Hilarity will be waiting just around the corner.</p> <h5 id="alana">Alana</h5> <hr> <p>My Canadian girlfriend insists that in her country of birth, a vaginal fart is called a &lsquo;quiff&rsquo;. This makes it very difficult to talk about Elvis, Morrissey or my own hairstyle without her erupting into fits of laughter.</p> <p><em>Maybe she&rsquo;s just taking the piss out of your RIDICULOUS HAIRCUT. Especially when you consider that <a href="http://www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=4966-">http://www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=4966-</a> Matt</em></p>A vaginal fart. Also useful for attracting the attention of Keith, who will say “what?” Hilarity will be waiting just around the corner.

Alana

My Canadian girlfriend insists that in her country of birth, a vaginal fart is called a ‘quiff’. This makes it very difficult to talk about Elvis, Morrissey or my own hairstyle without her erupting into fits of laughter.

Maybe she’s just taking the piss out of your RIDICULOUS HAIRCUT. Especially when you consider that http://www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=4966- Matt

[anon]
]]>Quemhttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quem/Fri, 07 May 2004 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quem/<p>A mid-Wales term insult that had three simultaneous meanings. It meant, predictably enough, that you were gay, lesbian, hermaphrodite, or all three.</p> <p>The porn-star possibilities that being a gay lesbian hermaphrodite would open up to you are cock-, tits-, ass- and mind-blowing.</p> <h5 id="ronnie-s">Ronnie S</h5> <hr>A mid-Wales term insult that had three simultaneous meanings. It meant, predictably enough, that you were gay, lesbian, hermaphrodite, or all three.

The porn-star possibilities that being a gay lesbian hermaphrodite would open up to you are cock-, tits-, ass- and mind-blowing.

Ronnie S
]]>Queyntehttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queynte/Thu, 06 Nov 2003 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queynte/<p>Queynte, a noun occuring in Chaucer&rsquo;s <em>Canterbury Tales</em> . The Miller, being a sanguine and bawdy character, was prone to grabbing women by their <em>queynte</em> , much like a cross between a bowling ball and a mitten.</p> <p>In the same way you can briefly get away with the word <em>bastard</em> during discussions of Nativity Plays, reading the Miller&rsquo;s Tale is the one time you can say the word <em>cunt</em> to a teacher, safe in the knowledge that you are appreciating an etymology, and not simply saying <em>cunt</em> .</p>Queynte, a noun occuring in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales . The Miller, being a sanguine and bawdy character, was prone to grabbing women by their queynte , much like a cross between a bowling ball and a mitten.

In the same way you can briefly get away with the word bastard during discussions of Nativity Plays, reading the Miller’s Tale is the one time you can say the word cunt to a teacher, safe in the knowledge that you are appreciating an etymology, and not simply saying cunt .

Jimbo B

I’m sure the word ’testicles’ is in the Bible some where. Can anyone back me up here? Maybe I just read ‘Genesis’ and thought it said ‘genitals’.

Thanks for your Bible query, Jamie. A quick search of bible.com has just thrown up the fact that the word testicles does not appear in the Bible. Other slightly sexy books of the Bible you might be getting confused are Sexodus, Bumbers, Gaymos, or Bonah - Log)

matronboy n

Regarding the testicles thing; the original texts, in Aramaic and so forth, do contain words that can be translated as “testicles”. However, since the kind of person who can be arsed to translate a dull and badly written piece of fiction into English are exactly the kind of person who will baulk at using the word “testicles”, you will not often find a version of the bible containing the word “testicles”.

However, you can find a version of the bible containing fashion tips and dating advice, including the gem that “God made guys to be the leaders, so girls shouldn’t ever ask guys out or call a guy”. I shit you not.

Jimbo B

“He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.” Deuteronomy 23:1

Ross G
]]>Quadrodonkeyhttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quadrodonkey/Thu, 09 Jan 2003 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quadrodonkey/<p>Combination of &lsquo;quadroplegic&rsquo; and &lsquo;donkey&rsquo;. And that&rsquo;s it.</p> <h5 id="unta-f">Unta F</h5> <hr>Combination of ‘quadroplegic’ and ‘donkey’. And that’s it.

Unta F
]]>quaidhttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quaid/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quaid/<p>After the release of Total Recall, we happily had a kid in our year called Quiad, the name of Arnold&rsquo;s hero in the film. A rather routine session of imitating the alien/mutant&rsquo;s cries of &ldquo;Quaaaaaaaaid&rdquo; until he started crying became elevated slightly when his older brother found him, and asked him why he was so upset. When little Quaid said &ldquo;They keep calling me Quaid&rdquo;, big Quaid simply replies &ldquo;It&rsquo;s your name, you stupid cunt,&rdquo; and punches him in the face.</p>After the release of Total Recall, we happily had a kid in our year called Quiad, the name of Arnold’s hero in the film. A rather routine session of imitating the alien/mutant’s cries of “Quaaaaaaaaid” until he started crying became elevated slightly when his older brother found him, and asked him why he was so upset. When little Quaid said “They keep calling me Quaid”, big Quaid simply replies “It’s your name, you stupid cunt,” and punches him in the face.

Jamie M
]]>queeniehttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queenie/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queenie/<p>A cruel and unusual punishment, wherein the intended victim is held very firmly to the floor. Then, whoever has the sweatiest ringpeice pulls down his own pants and gently lowers it onto the nose of the receiver. Why this is called a Queenie, I don&rsquo;t know.</p> <h5 id="blacky">Blacky</h5> <hr>A cruel and unusual punishment, wherein the intended victim is held very firmly to the floor. Then, whoever has the sweatiest ringpeice pulls down his own pants and gently lowers it onto the nose of the receiver. Why this is called a Queenie, I don’t know.

Blacky
]]>queer guidancehttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queer_guidance/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queer_guidance/<p>The form of career guidance that takes into account your grades, your personal strengths, your desires, and your requests of wonderful careers such as &lsquo;monkey butler&rsquo; or &lsquo;sock puppet trainer&rsquo;, and tells you to enter accountancy.</p> <h5 id="andrew">Andrew</h5> <hr>The form of career guidance that takes into account your grades, your personal strengths, your desires, and your requests of wonderful careers such as ‘monkey butler’ or ‘sock puppet trainer’, and tells you to enter accountancy.

Andrew
]]>queer guidance, furtherhttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queer_guidance__further/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/queer_guidance__further/<p>There was a bizarre computer program at our school where you entered your potential grades in GCSE/A Level, filled in a questionnaire about your likes and dislikes, and in return got a list of jobs that were right for you. I got &lsquo;Blacksmith&rsquo; and &lsquo;Fast Food Manager&rsquo;. Fortunately, the accuracy of the offending program has been proved to be questionable at best. Though I suppose it would be quite nice, being a blacksmith.</p>There was a bizarre computer program at our school where you entered your potential grades in GCSE/A Level, filled in a questionnaire about your likes and dislikes, and in return got a list of jobs that were right for you. I got ‘Blacksmith’ and ‘Fast Food Manager’. Fortunately, the accuracy of the offending program has been proved to be questionable at best. Though I suppose it would be quite nice, being a blacksmith.

Paddy

This was called a Cascade form and you did indeed do the above. I was told that I should be a Gold and Silver Jewellery Maker. I now work as an Internet Manager.

[anon]

cor - which internet do you manage?

Jon B

I think the whole Cascade system was programmed by disaffected wimmin.

Gareth W

Anybody else have a comparative career development? Did you take the Cascade Form and actually become a blacksmith? And if the program actually recommends blacksmithery, did anyone get advised to become a Knight’s Squire, or a Sales Assistant at the local Apothecary?

Jon B

We did a similar one called Jig-Cal or somesuch. It suggested I become a Parole Officer; Butch Garry was instructed to become a roof-hanger and Camp Kevin’s career was to be a Florist.

[anon]

A couple of years ago I can remember people in my class getting things like ’lifeguard’ and the ubiquitous ‘undertaker’, but i think i hold the claim to the best career ever suggested.

Scientific Glass Blower. Honestly.

Louise J

We also did a Jig-Cal. I (and possibly only 3 other people in the year) were told to become leather technologists. Quite what leather technology is I don’t know but we were advised that you could do a course in it at some dubious ex polytechnic university in England.

[anon]

I did Cascaid - and take serious issue with the ‘aid’ part of the name. It told me to be a Pet Shop Owner. I am a magazine editor.

spadge m

I distinctly remember jiig-cal advising me to go into fish farm management.

On a related topic I told the Trident work experience people of my love for animals, and my desire to work with them. I was sent to the notoriously cruel animal testing lab at Huntingdon Life Science.

LE m

We also used Jig-Cal. In the days when children were better programmers than adults, one friend managed to adapt the program so that whatever choices you made, no matter how much you loved animals or wigs, you were always advised to give up your education and become a Mujahadeen Freedom Fighter immediately .

[anon]

I was told I should be a photographer’s assistant. I’m now a teacher, and took the test again, to see if my results would be changed by world experience, and a more profound insight into the workings of the program.

Nope. Photographer’s assistant.

[anon]

Everybody in my year (and I do mean everybody) got “Marine Biologist” and “Funeral Director” as two of their choices. There was obviously something wrong with the program, but I can’t talk about it now. I’ve got funerals to direct and deep sea divers to cremate.

Dan L

I got “Oceanic Cartographer”. This was due, I suspect, to the fact that I could (a) swim, and, (b) colour-in maps really well without going outside the lines or anything.

Don’t know if I could have done it underwater, mind.

[anon]

I always got ‘masseuse’;

I suspect they meant ‘whore’.

Nicky

I found that if you deviously manipulate your answers in an attempt to get it to say, perhaps, “vet” or “nurse”, thus making you appear the “sensitive type”, you are still highly unlikely to shag Sally Francis.

Tony G

I DID shag Sally Francis at college, and she wasn’t bothered about sensitive types at all.

Trust me, I’m a RIGHT CUNT. She fucking loved it, as well.

Sally, if you’re reading this, please DO get in touch and let us know what sort of guy you go for: sensitive, like Tony Green says; or RIGHT CUNT like our anonymous and, I suspect, poorly hung user suggests? DO you love it? And don’t forget to send us some pictures, as well - Mansh

[anon]
]]>quegghttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quegg/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quegg/<p>A hairless (esp. pubeless) male individual who has showered in the company of more virile boys and been seen for the queggy girl that he is.</p> <h5 id="andrew-n">Andrew N</h5> <hr> <p>An example of which would be Steve Camm, who despite thinking he was uber-cool, with his blazer collar turned up and an ability to pull birds, was completely bald around his ridiculously tiny cock.</p> <p>( <em>Readers! Do you want to vent an old resentment in an unsupportable way, like Carlos the Jackal? Were you forced to imagine cool people having sex while you drew dragons, like me? If so, why not start a website about it? - Log</em> )</p>A hairless (esp. pubeless) male individual who has showered in the company of more virile boys and been seen for the queggy girl that he is.

Andrew N

An example of which would be Steve Camm, who despite thinking he was uber-cool, with his blazer collar turned up and an ability to pull birds, was completely bald around his ridiculously tiny cock.

( Readers! Do you want to vent an old resentment in an unsupportable way, like Carlos the Jackal? Were you forced to imagine cool people having sex while you drew dragons, like me? If so, why not start a website about it? - Log )

Carlos t
]]>quiz? eggo!https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quiz__eggo_/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quiz__eggo_/<p>At the end of the year, when kids were clearing out their desks and didn&rsquo;t want stuff any more, they would hold up an item and shout &ldquo;Quiz!&rdquo;. The first kid to respond with a yell of &ldquo;Eggo!&rdquo; was given the item. The bidding could get fast and furious, but shouting &ldquo;eggo!&rdquo; prematurely was inadvisable, in case you got a gym sock, or some mong child&rsquo;s snot collection, and were honour bound to keep it. The words may be derived from Latin, although Latin was never taught at my school. Odd.</p>At the end of the year, when kids were clearing out their desks and didn’t want stuff any more, they would hold up an item and shout “Quiz!”. The first kid to respond with a yell of “Eggo!” was given the item. The bidding could get fast and furious, but shouting “eggo!” prematurely was inadvisable, in case you got a gym sock, or some mong child’s snot collection, and were honour bound to keep it. The words may be derived from Latin, although Latin was never taught at my school. Odd.

Katy

Could also be reversed by the offeree with a call of “eggo” to confuse the slow-witted who failed to answer with “quiz”.

Ben P

I seem to remember that there is the answer “veins”, which is said after “eggo” which means you can’t give the thing back. Great for when you’ve just given away a rotten apple core or a dirty syringe, or something.

Re: the Latin - “quiz” - who “ego” - I “veins” << don’t know but possibly of French derision? None?

Imogen H

And the non-boarding school version: quizzing a sweet after sticking it up your bum.

(

WHAT? What are you talking about, anonymous user? Why would you quiz a sweet after sticking it up your bum?
“Why were you up my bum, sweet?”
You put it there, you buffoon/’nana!
Not to mention that egginess doesn’t apply to things actually being up your bum. That’s sulphurous farts, not shit-smeared Swizzle Sticks you’ve had jammed up your ring. Leave this website immediately. If you haven’t already left it in the nine months since you posted this entry. Sorry!

[anon]
]]>quoitshttps://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quoits/Sun, 24 Nov 2002 00:00:00 +0000https://pdg.ishanisv.org/posts/q/quoits/<p>A joyless rubber hoop from really early PE classes, where they didn&rsquo;t think you capable of using something so wildly complex as a ball. Accompanied by little bean bags that can in no way be used into conjunction with the quoits. Especially in Roman Catholic schools, where balls are considered too much fun, and sexy.</p> <h5 id="dan-w">Dan W</h5> <hr>A joyless rubber hoop from really early PE classes, where they didn’t think you capable of using something so wildly complex as a ball. Accompanied by little bean bags that can in no way be used into conjunction with the quoits. Especially in Roman Catholic schools, where balls are considered too much fun, and sexy.

Dan W
]]>