Original ID : 5724 Created On : 2006-02-06 Last Modified : 2006-06-25
How to tell if you have fleas
If you smell of alsatian wee and chip fat, you have fleas.
If you are poor, you probably smell of alsatian wee and chip fat. See above.
If you bring your lunch to school in a bread bag, or get free school meals, you are probably poor. See above.
If you sat next to Karen Bachelor in class, you now have fleas.
Note: Having fleas is worse than having nits or AIDS, because even a dirty haired gay would not bum a dog.
Deacon G
Fleas became such an epidemic in Primary school that Mr Hayes the headmaster was forced to give a lecture in assembly about how fleas aren’t dirty, and clean people can have fleas too, and anyway nobody in the school really has fleas so just shut up about them. Any questions?
Hand up at the back of the hall. “Sir, are you a clean person?”
“Why, yes I am, I bathe every day.”
Muttered stage whisper: “He’s got fleas.”
We were kept in assembly until half past ten that morning. I mean, HALF PAST TEN! By a fleabag!
Iestyn M
Leah Williams once attempted to ostracise me from my peers by announcing that she’d seen a dog flea in my hair. I didn’t own a dog, and she confessed that she’d planted the dog flea in my hair herself. This suggested that she had a ready supply about her person. I put this to the jury, but my rumoured flea had caught the class’s imagination, and nobody wanted to bully her instead.