Original ID : 3571 Created On : 2004-02-26 Last Modified : 2005-05-01
Second-eldest son of a headmaster, inflicted upon Toll Bar School between 1985 and 1990. The originator of many anecdotes involving puddings, spunk and vodka. Here are some of his crimes;
Getting pissed on a fourth year trip to Stratford, knicking a traffic sign and singing ‘On a Clear Day You Can See My Penis’ outside the girls’ dormitory at midnight.
<code>SUSPENDED FOR TWO WEEKS</code>
Bringing ice-cream to school for his packed lunch. Ice cream melted in his bag, ruined his books.
<code>GOT BOLLOCKED</code>
Bought a frozen dessert from Tates for his lunch, tried to defrost it by putting it under his armpit, ate it.
<code>GOT STOMACH CRAMPS</code>
Jacked off into a 35mm film canister as a love gift for Natasha Holmes. She ran off.
<code>TREATED WITH WARY DISDAIN FOR SOME WEEKS</code>
Got smashed on vodka in the 6th form, puked up neat vodka through his nose onto his pudding at lunchtime, continued eating it.
<code>GOT THROWN OUT</code>
<code>LAST SEEN SELLING CUSTOMISED CLIPPER LIGHTERS AT CAR BOOT SALE</code>