Law of the Playground

An undiscovered anagram of which is “Bad Anal Rim”. Thankfully, no-one found out - I had the piss taken quite enough already.

Adrian L

Similarly, Sam Bruce can be amended to “bum scare”. Also, my middle name is Alan. I’d like to encourage other readers with names amenable to anagrammatic bumfoolery to post; perhaps we could start a support group?

Sam B

Ah, well my name is Nick Hunt, which, whilst not forming any anally related anagrams, does provide endless hours of entertainment. Prick Cunt, Dick Cunt, Nick Cunt, Cunt Cunt, you name it, I’ll have heard them all. All of them. Every. Single. One.

(You missed “Lick Cunt.” Susan xx)

Susan T

Even teachers found it hard not to smirk at Richard Michael “Dick Mike” Hunt.

Dennis M

Well with mine being Richard William Lowe - Dick Willie Lowe :-(

[anon]

Well, if I must. A few years ago a friend gave out christmas cards with anagrams of everyones names on. The bastich managed to turn Martin Appleton into “Rotten Anal Pimp”, for which I am most ungrateful.

Martin A

Also consistently staggering is the inappropriate naming of a child as Richard with certain surnames. Hare, Spray, Spring, Lovatt are just four of the ones I know, and that’s not even counting the hilarious Jasper Carrott “Richard Dick aka Double Dick” routine. Yes, I know it’s old stuff, but if it’s good enough for King Carrott, it’s good enough for The Law of the Fucking Playground.

[anon]

My name’s an anagram of “an anal elephant deity”, but no-one at school was very interested. They preferred punching my face to engaging in amusing word play.

Nathaniel T

My friend’s name was Clint Walker. You’ve probably already guessed, but with a couple of quick pen strokes, you have Cunt Wanker.

Every school year was a dash to steal his books from his bag, administer these pen strokes, then politely return the books.

[anon]

My name is Tony Lord. I’m gay. Help.

If they ever develop a way to determine sexuality in the womb, I’m not suggesting that everyone should have the option to terminate their bent baby, just people with the surname Lord. It’s not fair on the child.
Oh, and Norton - although that might be locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

Jon B

M’lud, the prosecution presents Jenna Taylor.

She sounds suspiciously more like a friend of Betty Swollocks than an actual living, breathing human being, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, counsellor.

Tim E

Alan West is an easy anagram of Anal Stew, if you’re lucky enough to know an Alan West.

[anon]

We had a kid called Richard Sitch. One HILARIOUS prank, that continued right up until leaving for college, was to ring him up in the early hours of the morning and ask “R. Sitch?” then reply to whomever answered “Well scratch it then!”

Nick P

I used to know a Mr. Haw who had named his son Nicholas; knickerless whore.

Adam F

The unfortunately monikered Richard Fromaggio who was universely regaled with the title : “Dick Cheese”

Pob M

Anne Kerr.

The defacement is obvious, and was swiftly applied every single time she wrote her name

anywhere.

kristkopher w

A lad in my Geography class was called “Guy Brewin”… once when he really annoyed both me and a few friends, the name on his book was swiftly changed to “Gay's Brewin A Fart”

cf : I knew this guy once who was called “Jezz Gobbler”. Whenever he left the room we would all form a massive conga line singing songs of his heroic deeds. It's only now I realise his name sounds like someone gulping down spunk. Missed a fucking trick there, thinking about it.

[anon]

A boy at my school was called Paul Hiscock.

Now why would his mum and dad do that? I cannot believe for one minute thay didn't try the two names together at some point before the Christening and go “oh, better not”, which means it must have been deliberate . That's nothing short of child abuse in my book.

matt : Could have been worse. They could have called him 'Aaron'.

[anon]

You like football. Your surname is Kirwan. Ok ’til you score a goal and people start chanting it.

andy k

I knew a lad with a Japanese mum and an English dad. His mum had insisted on giving him a traditional Japanese first name - Ken. His dad’s surname was Barlow. I think he’d have had a less miserable time of it at school if he’d been called Chris P. Wanksock.

Uncle S

At my brother’s school, there was a boy from Singapore called Wee An Yew (the “An” is pronounced “on”).

Curiously, no systematic persecution ever took place. Perhaps the name was widely interpreted as a threat.

simon m

At my school, there was a chap called Ima Cuntrash.

mansh : FOR FUCKSAKE: NO THERE WASN'T.

Captain C

This wasn't at school - but at work, I can search for members of my company all over the UK. One otherwise useless afternoon I found the member of our Glasgow branch called, wait for it, William Bellend. I can prove it, too.

[img]

log : No need! Just had a quick look myself. Turns out he's moved from Glasgow to Rhyl, where he resides in a half-way house for people with fucking ridiculous names.

Ed M

Mr and Mrs Cornell made a crucial decision on the steps of Wembley Register Office. As it was about to close, they decided that Kaye would be an adequate substitution for Faye. Having realised on the bus that ‘Faye Cornell’ may have been what they said when informed of her imminent existence but that didn’t mean it had to be her name for life.

Kaye C