Back in the days of the Raj (or maybe slightly later, after TV was invented), British TV had the reputation of being the best in the world. Things changed over the years and nowadays the very best comes out the USA. The last couple of years has included gems such as the conclusion of Breaking Bad, Fargo and True Detective. Recently I have enjoyed Better Call Saul, the Breaking Bad spin-off, and this weekend sees the return of Game of Thrones and Veep. All these very popular series are available via torrents.

So droned Paul Simon; and around here it is sooner rather than later.

Take the magnificent upgrade to Beach Road a year or so ago. It was the latest in a long line of Beach Road improvement projects; each completely negating the need for the ones that went before. The latest enterprise was budgeted at a declared 155 million baht, disrupted traffic for a year, and resulted in a wider road (which could have been achieved with parking management), offset by a narrower footpath with embedded palm trees. The result looked reasonably tidy, if lacking in any charm, for a while. But it soon became clear that the quality of the construction was low quality, and absolutely no allowance had been made for drainage to cope with the large quantity of water that arrives on Beach Road after every storm. Flooding was as bad as ever and the deluges started to wash away all the hard work. The latest storm this week demonstrated yet again the robustness of the new path:

The following is a reprint from “The London Gentleman’s Photographic Journal” - June 1923 Edition

Greetings gentle readers, and welcome to a special report from Wetzlar in Germany, where interesting things are happening at microscope makers Ernst Leitz Optische Werke. Our host today is a Herr Oskar Barnack and he has provided us with a prototype of a camera which Leitz is considering putting into production. It’s called the Leica (Leitz/Camera), and here it is:

Last time we met, the goons at HSBC had assured me that all I had to do to close my account was to provide the details of the bank account that would be the beneficiary of my business in future. I had done that, they had responded that they would close my account in three days; but there remained a lingering doubt that this would be the end of the matter.

Then the phone rang.

As I was engaged elsewhere in the house, completing a mission given by my wife, I did not reach the phone in time. It was a UK number so I called it back. “Welcome to HSBC….” I put the phone down. Contacting HSBC requires the provision of several codes, none of which I have because I never call them. Never mind, they would call me back if they really wanted to speak to me.

Then, just as I was about to retire for the night, I received a mail from HSBC telling me to call them and quote a million digit reference number. Wanting to put this to bed before I put myself to bed, I went into the garden where the reception is better and, with a heavy heart, I called them.

Can you give me your personal banking telephone call pin number?

I don’t have one, I never call you. Until now.

Oh. Well please answer some security questions.

This went on for a while as I am sure I answered some questions incorrectly, including my current address as it became clear that my change of address instructions provided some months previously had not been actioned.

Having proved I was me, the HSBC representative suggested he could call me back. Having ascertained that “it would only take a couple of minutes” to complete our business, I decided to continue. I had no desire to sit in my garden at midnight waiting for a call that may or may not come.

He explained that closing an account required a verification team to call me and verify my instructions. As my instructions had come via internet banking, wherein I could empty my accounts if I wished, this seemed a superfluous step, but there was no point in sharing that view. He also explained that my internet banking would be turned off once the transfer was approved and I better have a phone banking pin number in case I needed to contact the bank again. I could set this on my phone, right now, after which I would be returned to him. I agreed, and control was handed to a machine.

Please enter a new 6 digit number.

I did.

Sorry. I do not recognise that. Please enter again.

I did.

Sorry. I do not recognise that. Please enter again.

I did.

Sorry. I do not recognise that. I am transferring you to one of our representatives.

A lady answers the phone and I explain what has happened.

Can you give me your personal banking telephone call pin number?

I don’t have one, I never call you. Until now.

Oh. Well please answer some security questions.

And off we go again.

Questions finally answered, she confirms my account will be closed and says goodbye. But I am not finished.

The gentleman I was talking to suggested I should have a new phone banking pin, in case I need to contact you.

Good idea, I will arrange to send you one.

Can’t I do it over the phone? If you recall, it was trying to do that which ended up with you answering my call.

Well, one of your accounts has been dormant for some time, so I can only send you a new pin by post.

So, why did your colleague agree to do this over the phone some ten minutes ago?

Well, one of your accounts has been dormant for some time, so I can only send you a new pin by post.

Very large sigh OK.

Of course, because they had not registered my new address, they sent it to my old address. So I had to bribe the receptionist at my old address with a box of cookies to sign for it, and drive across town to pick it up; and it is useless anyway because I also need a “personal banking code” which I don’t have.

But none of this matters, because yesterday, after a couple of stressful days of waiting, the funds from HSBC arrived in my new bank in Singapore.

The ordeal is over. HSBC; kindly fuck off.

Unlike Christmas, Thai retail outlets see no commercial advantage in promoting Easter, and so it tends to pass by without me knowing.

However, I have seen mentions on Facebook by those who enjoy celebrating the occasion (by having time off work); and it occurred to me that such an event would be very popular with the modern clickbait crowd.

Facebook is now awash with posts where entirely mundane videos and stories are pumped up with taglines such as “you won’t believe what happens next!” You know, this sort of thing:

I reckon a resurrection story would get a load of hits; so if anyone has spotted someone who has recently died reappearing at the local shops; please let me know.

Anyway, enough of the fairy stories; on this most sacred of weekends it is important that we focus on the real symbol of Easter, these:

Weary readers may recall my most recent tirade against HSBC; this one about their requirement that I prove where I live. When we left the story, our hero had at some cost, gathered the required information for despatch to HSBC in the UK.

And so I did, by going down to the local post office and sending an EMS package. End of that little problem I thought. Not so fast, said fate.

Comments 🔗

2015-03-25 | Grant says

Cruel… but intertesting!

2015-03-30 | ChristianPFC says

So true! Thank you for sharing.

2015-04-12 | ChristianPFC - Adventures in Thailand: Oh my god! ChristianPFC in the Sunday Funnies says

[…] will leave it to someone else.     But wait! My fame has spread elsewhere: 2015_03_if-genuinej-or-christianpfc-manned-a-suicide-help-line Copyright remains with the original artists Posted by ChristianPFC at 12:00 […]