How to wash a car

· 945 words · 5 minute read

Yesterday afternoon was spent washing our two vehicles to remove all the Songkran crap. I employed slightly different approaches as detailed below:

How to wash a BMW 220i:

  1. Make cooing loving noises.
  2. Wash off surface dirt using a power washer; being careful not to spray too close.
  3. Use foam soap attachment on power washer to cover car with Meguiar’s expensive car shampoo.
  4. Wash off using power washer.
  5. Put more expensive shampoo in a bucket with water and wipe entire body with sponge dedicated to the purpose.
  6. With a separate sponge clean the wheels.
  7. Wash off using power washer.
  8. Using Meguiar’s expensive drying cloth, dry body.
  9. Spray body with Meguiar’s Extreme Detailer and dry off with Meguiar’s cloth.
  10. Spray glass with Meguiar’s glass cleaner and dry off with Meguiar’s cloth.
  11. Drive car round block and apply brakes to dry off disks.
  12. Final inspection and dry off any water runs following drive.
  13. Make cooing loving noises.

Total time: about one and a half hours.

How to wash a seven year old truck:

  1. Wash off surface dirt using a power washer; not caring how close you get because the paintwork is screwed anyway.
  2. Using an old sponge, use the dirty remains of the shampoo in the bucket to soap the car.
  3. Wash off with power washer.
  4. Park in a corner where the wife won’t spot it is all smeared and streaky. If she does complain, give withering look and point out that it is impossible to get black vehicles any cleaner.

Total time: Any more than ten minutes and you are wasting your life.

Comments 🔗

2015-04-24 | Ray says

My car. Off to the car wash centre where 4 guys labour over the vehicle for 150 baht whilst I drink coffee and play games on my iPad. Total time: who cares. Result: perfect Sweat factor: zero.

Her truck: she drives it, she washes it. End of story.

2015-04-24 | Grant says

You’ve got it sussed. Our favourite car wash crew are over the road from a gas station with an Amazon…

2015-04-24 | genuinej says

Sounds like top of the range double standards. You should have been a politician.

2015-04-24 | Spike says

I normally have it washed at the place where they did the glass coating; they do a wonderful job inside and out for 300 baht; but sometimes I like to do it myself.

2015-04-24 | Spike says

The BMW approach would be the election promise; the truck would be the reality; with a surcharge for the water.

2015-04-24 | genuinej says

You still talking about cars?

2015-04-24 | Grant says

A question: If the glass coating is supposed to repel dirt, dust, crud and small children why can’t it deal with Songkran? My dear old departed Dad was a serial car washer, better than being a serial anything else I suppose… I didn’t inherit the gene, my cars are invariably scruffy and my predilection for driving on gravel roads doesn’t help. Mr Meguiar’s multi-millions ain’t going to be added to by me any time soon.

2015-04-25 | Wally says

Wot’s a BMW 220i ?

2015-04-25 | Andrew says

and a tax on the soap and an extra charge for disposing of it…plus a 3% hike on the next license plates for even thinking about washing it again…

2015-04-25 | Spike says

It’s a car made by German people. “BMW 220i M Sport”, to give it its full title.

2015-04-25 | Spike says

Get back to your pink soap dreams.

2015-04-25 | Clive says

Just a suggestion… but have you considered switching from a sponge to a car wash mitt? Something like this:-

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kent-Q2429-Microfibre-Noodle-Wash/dp/B002PX296S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1429998908&sr=8-1&keywords=car+wash+mitt

I always used to use a sponge but was persuaded by a professional car valet specialist, who did a terrific job with my toy, to switch. I have found that the mitt does not allow debris to become snagged in the bubble-like gaps of a sponge. As a result the mitt is far, far less likely to leave residual scratches in the paintwork, and it’s actually a lot easier to work with than a sponge…

Let me know if you can’t get these in Thailand…

2015-04-28 | herb says

—Off to the car wash centre where 4 guys labour over the vehicle for 150 bah—

Did it the same way, till I discovered, that the plastic glass of my front lamps are getting blind. Why ? Easy to answer, when you wash your car by yourself, you use the aggressive cleaner, to get rid of the moskitos at the front, but when you wash other parts of your car, you use a soft shampoo. Well, at the car wash center, they only use one mixture for the whole car, and that means, an aggressive shampoo is used many times for your whole car, including your plastic lamps.

2015-05-12 | Spike says

Just had my car cleaned at Gloss Line, the only place that is allowed to wash my car other than yours truly. With an average of five people wielding assorted implements, it takes them more than an hour and a half to clean every crevice, inside and out; probably a total of around seven hours work. Their attention to detail is absolute, with extra focus being provided by one of the two owners who checks everything. One they are finished, they have you drive a very small distance and then dry all the tyre patches that have been sitting on the ground. to ensure there are zero splashes when you drive off. 300 baht, although that is a discount price because I had their gloss coating.

2015-05-12 | Spike says

I think I have seen them in the shops, thanks.