Being an anti-social sort of guy I tend to avoid anything that could in any way be described as a club. The Pattaya Expats Club for example; wouldn’t get me there in a thousand years. It could of course be full of interesting and stimulating people and nothing at all like my perception, which is based on no evidence, that it is full of overweight Americans braying on about the myriad failings of Thailand and the Thais. As my grandmother used to say; fuck that for a game of soldiers.
On occasions, she who must be obeyed has suggested I should form a photography club, for reasons unclear; maybe she is fed up with me spending so much time demonstrating my lenses to the cat. I can maybe see the benefit of a club in a larger city. Photo tours could be arranged, product demos could be organised, semi-famous photographers could be invited to drone one for an hour or so and share their “art”. But in Pattaya? A few disparate souls getting together to make insincere compliments about each others gear before shuffling off into the night in search of proper entertainment. I don’t think so. And anyway, I would have to be membership secretary, thus ensuring anyone with one of those pieces of DSLR mirrored shit would be sent packing before they had a chance to sit down and say “Oh, I do like your camera; would you like to see my mirror flap?”
So, no initiative from me (which would make a suitable inscription on my gravestone). But then I noticed a thread on Thai Visa today that discussed a weekly meeting at a local bar: “We are a group of farang photographers who meet every Sunday. Today’s meeting is at 5pm. Free entrance. Bring your camera as many other photo enthusiasts bring theirs too.” This was in response from someone asking about a photography club and it sounded interesting. She who must be obeyed was otherwise engaged, and the cat showed no interest in my detailed description of the benefits of anastigmatic lenses (probably because I also told it yesterday and it was still absorbing the information); so I thought I would go along.
The venue was a bar off Third Road. I walked into the open area in front of the bar which was mainly taken up with a swimming pool (perhaps used for underwater photography demonstrations) and was greeted by not exactly friendly stares from the assembled drinkers; some of whom appeared to have been there for several hours (days? Years?) and none of whom looked like they had the slightest interest in an F stop. Perhaps the meeting had already started inside; so I went inside. In the gathering gloom there were a couple of barmaids and man of indeterminate age propping up the bar. By this time I would have even been grateful to see a Canon; but he was sporting a Chang.
I introduced myself nervously and asked if he could direct me to where the photography club was meeting.
Photography? Club? “What the fuck are you on about” he was thinking; “I think you have the wrong place” is what he actually said. Not to be deterred, I whipped out my phone and we perused the thread on Thai Visa. He agreed that I had the right bar, but had no recollection of any geeks with cameras hanging around. As the theme was mainly “Swedish Biker”, I could see that someone dicking around with photographic equipment might stand out. Something wasn’t right.
He clearly had had enough of me whinging on about a non-existent meeting because he suggested I go and wait outside with the other schmuck who had turned up for the event. “Hank will be along soon” he said, by way of pacification, “he’s got a camera”.
So I went outside and met “twozeds” who had originally raised the question on Thai Visa. He had also had no luck in finding anyone who knew anything about this mysterious meet. Luckily he turned out to be a fine chap with a smart Fuji, and I was able to spend some time boring him with my baby Leica; although I never got the chance to present my discourse on anastigmatic lenses. This was because Hank had turned up, and instead of having a camera he had a guitar and was soon bashing out a classic rendition of Hotel California from the makeshift stage. How we clapped.
Twozeds and I decided that the photography club story was just a wind up; possibly by someone sat at the bar and laughing at our expense. Given that Twozeds had driven all the way from Laem Chabang on his bike to attend, it was a pretty pathetic joke. Clint Eastwood in his younger days would have stood up slowly, interrogated those present before trashing the place. I stood up slowly, adjusted my trousers and sat down again.
More people arrived, none of whom had cameras and none of whom seemed pleased to see us; maybe we were occupying the seat of that man with the crazed eyes and the jacket that said “Bitch Killer”. We started to feel a little uncomfortable; like characters in those films where unsuspecting tourists stay in hotels where patrons are clearly inbred, but the tourists don’t notice and then wake up in the morning in a cellar with organs removed, guarded by a man with a chainsaw and….. a jacket that said “Bitch Killer”. Shit.
Time to leave. Twozeds kindly paid for my beer (which I now suspected had been drugged so my kidneys could be extracted) and we made a hasty exit. I am sure I heard some snarling as we left, or maybe it was just Hank and his rendition of a Swedish adult alternative rock classic.
Last time I consider joining a club.
Comments 🔗
2015-03-22| Ray saysGet any snaps of the audience?
2015-03-22| Spike saysGot a shot of Hank in mid-strum. But it’s on film.
2015-03-22| RJM saysMade me smile. Nice write up.
2015-03-22| Ray saysCamera clubs. Aargh the good old days. Just instructed “er indoors” to dust off me anorak.
2015-03-22| jon sutton saysI agree with the Groucho Marx take on joining clubs
2015-03-23| twozeds saysnice write up…gave me a laugh thinking about the….“so you’re not from around here” bunch again haha
2015-03-23| Jerry saysYou are too brave!
2015-03-23| Spike says“People round here aren’t from round here.” Saw that in a movie once, of course I can’t remember which one.
2015-03-23| BlogDaz saysExcellent write up, Spike, the angle I thought you would take, though I must say not half as blue as I expected..
2015-03-23| Chang Noi saysThat was a nice birthday gift …. remarkably noticing that I think you could entertain some photo geeks for a tour-of-photo-duty in UPC Thailand. Even small places like Kalasin or Sangkhom have a photo-club with outstanding members … although all with flip-flop full-frame camera’s (if you aint have a camera with the name to proof it did costs the price of a SUV I am afraid you cannot become a member).