The UK Government begrudgingly pays me a state pension and no doubt wishes it could stop doing so, as I don’t vote. Their latest scheme to terminate my pension took the form of a letter demanding that I provided proof that I was still alive; with such proof being required back in the UK some four days after I received their request. They rather snottily referred to a previous letter which they sent me in November to which I had not replied because perhaps I was dead. The actual reason I had not replied was because I never received their letter.
Anyway, not wishing to have to start an action in the international court of pissed-off pensioners, I rushed out to acquire my proof of life. This was to take the form of a letter signed by a reputable person to say that they had inspected the passport, inspected me, and decided the two matched. Oh, and that I was breathing.
They specified whom they considered to be reputable, and as I I did not have access to a High Court judge or a surgeon or a member of parliament (reputable?), I settled for a solicitor.
I went to the British Law office; only to find another British pensioner in the queue in front of me with the same form. He also had not received the letter that was probably never sent in November. I smell a plot.
Anyway, I was asked to register by providing my name and email address and then a very nice Thai gentleman signed all my forms and gave me the necessary stamps. He also suggested that I looked younger than my passport photo, which was obviously untrue but it made me feel better for a while,
Then it was off to the Post Office for an expensive courier to H.M. Pensions.
The following week I received an email from Mr. Kevin Harper:
He was sending me some Google documents. I had no idea why, so decided to find out. I clicked the link and another page was displayed asking me to sign into Google. But I was already signed in. Uh Oh. I checked the URL and the site was part of a carpet company in the Middle East…..
I can’t show you the actual page I landed on because it has since been replaced with a message:
Obviously a scam. So I immediately wrote to Mr. Harper asking him if he realised that he had been hacked. I also asked him why I had been added to his list of email addresses. I have not received an answer to either question.
I already have a rule to never provide my email address to property companies. I have now expanded that to include solicitors. And my pension? Still waiting to hear if my pittance will be reinstated. If it isn’t I am going to send round the boys from the carpet company.
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2015-03-03| Sproggit saysFortuitous timing on your part, as the UK press are just gearing up to the anticipated bonanza of idiocy stories that they feel entitled to receive as a result of the “deregulation” of UK pensions, as previously announced by George Osbourne and about to come into force. According to the press I am to expect large numbers of hepto- and octogenarians to be speeding about the neighbourhood and performing doughnuts in the local Tesco car park in their newly acquired Lamborghini’s, paid for by the pensions they can now take as a lump sum.
In other, shocking news, George Osbourne is apparently unaware that the average British pension is about £30,000, whilst the average (new) Lamborghini probably costs in excess of £160,000. Maybe it’s just me, but I am starting to suspect that our present Chancellor’s current mathematical incompetence could explain why the entire country remains fiscally shafted.
But the real reason for this sprawling graffiti across your blog is, in fact, the typical, pathetic and darn-near criminal treatment of ex-pat pensioners by the British government. Specifically, if you are a UK pensioner, living in the UK, then your state pension will be index linked and rise with inflation each year. If you are a British pensioner, living as an ex-pat overseas (and thereby far less likely to be a burden on existing British tax-payers, you are apparently not entitled to this index-linking and you get your pension frozen to it’s value on the date you leave the country.
I have to admire the symmetry and balance on display. If you are a British pensioner who paid their UK taxes for their entire adult working life, you get completely screwed when trying to take cash out of the country. If you are a foreign-owned multinational coffee franchise, or popular internet retailer, not only are you allowed to take all your profits overseas before tax, but you can even claim tax breaks for operating in the UK.
I am so determined to retire early, leave the UK, and find somewhere warm and sunny to live…
2015-03-03| Parry saysKevin Harper? Clearly Australian.
2015-03-04| Garry, Harry and Larry… saysBloody oath mate! And ‘is brothers Shane, Wayne, Dwayne, Bruce and Trevor. Kevin shouldn’t be coming the raw prawn like that Cobber, it’s not a fair suck of the sav…
2015-03-04| Spike saysGiven the near pornographic images I receive from Grant on an almost daily basis, New Zealander must be a possibility.
2015-03-06| Barry saysI had the same letter - the ‘November’ one - and went to the local district office for the formality of agreeing I was the bloke in the passport photo. Ah, but there stepped in Thai bureaucracy which stated that I needed the form translated into Thai, further proof of who I was, bills in my name (they are all in the name of my wife) and several other reasons she felt able to use her power of refusal. I simply got up and walked out while my wife continued with a few more minutes of bowing and arse-licking before joining me outside to castigate me for not doing the same. Then we walked next door to the police station where her brother works and he signed the form. Not supposed to use a relative, but HM government wouldn’t know who he is. I actually have three pensions so expect to be going through this quite regularly.