I have let rip at the world’s local bank on a few occasions over the years, and once again they have conspired to raise my blood pressure to blog posting point.
Regular readers may recall I gave up on HSBC and moved most of the Spike millions into the indifferent coffers of UOB Singapore. Final closure of my HSBC account is awaiting the move of my paltry government pension from HSBC to UOB. Until that happens, and a request to move it seems to have become lost in the system, I am maintaining a small balance at HSBC which is slightly increased every month when the pension arrives.
And now, slightly decreased again; because I received a snotty mail from HSBC telling me that my balance had fallen below the nineteen zillion pounds required for me to be a Premiere customer; so they would in future deduct thirty five pounds from my account every month..
Naturally, I was straight onto my “wealth adviser” and asked to be moved to a different account where I would not be charged thirty five pounds a month for them to do fuck all. This was apparently impossible; so they will continue to rip me off monthly until I can close the account. Bastards.
But wait, there’s more.
For my thirty five pound monthly subscription, I am entitled to complete a detailed, five page, personal information form. And when I say “entitled”, I mean obliged; because if I fail to return it by the end of this month I will have my banking privileges suspended. Bastards.
Apart from the usual personal information which they have had since I opened the account eleven years ago (my date of birth remains the same); I am required to provide detailed information about my worldwide assets and income; most of which I consider none of their concern. All of this is similar to the information I provided a couple of years ago. In addition, last time I had to prove I was me by getting a solicitor to confirm that me and my passport had a relationship. This took a load of time and money to arrange. This time they are concerned about where I live.
I have to provide a utility bill, in English. If it is not in English then I have to get it formally translated. If I am going to only provide a copy of a utility bill, I have to get a judge, jury and the entire staff of the British Embassy to vouch that it is a valid copy. This is to confirm my address which they have never, ever had occasion to write to. Why the fuck do they care where I live?
Anyway, as it may take more than a month to finally move my government pension out of HSBC’s greasy clutches, I filled in the form. I took a utility bill down to a translation office where they knocked out a translation of my address for a very reasonable 100 baht, and I will be sending the whole intrusive mess back to the world’s local bank next week. I hope they choke on it.
Comments 🔗
2015-02-07| Damon Raphael saysBummer! There will always be an England but evidently you can make more colorful and interesting photos in Thailand :-) Your photography is amazing!
2015-02-07| genuinej saysYou are not alone. Yesterday I called at a local Halifax branch to change my Ultimate Reward Account to a Reward Account to save £15 a month. Nothing on the account changes, except its name, but this entailed having to spend 30 minutes replying to questions to which every answer was already known by them. Typical banker bollocks.
2015-02-07| Digbats saysThe big banks are crapping their pants with Apple pay and such like making gains in customer uptake. They are very afraid they will loose out to new ways of banking. With all the Banking bollocks and hoops we have to jump through I continue to wonder why we have not found more friendly alternatives to these fat cat robbers yet.
Bunch of Bankers…
2015-02-07| Andrew saysBankers have learned their lessons by studying insurance companies and petroleum producers…and certainly some used car sales practices as well…
2015-02-08| Rowey saysYou just can’t beat banks, full stop.
2015-02-08| Antz saysInteresting timing…. I’m in the process of moving all my millions out of HSBC (I’ve been in their greasy clutches since 1990), as I am now in a position to do so. It’s in my diary for Thursday 12th… I’ll be marching to the local branch to shut all accounts. I suspect it won’t be that easy, my experience of HSBC is the same as yours. They are bloody useless and insist on charging for it.