I knew it was coming, just not sure when; “it” being the blessing of our new house by monks.
It had been mentioned in passing, along with a proposal that assorted men of the orange cloth should descend upon my shiny new car and splodge gold leaf and lettering all over the inside. “That is not happening” I replied with a firmness that normally do not have the courage to muster. “How about they put the markings on the bonnet, it will wash off?”, suggested my wife. There should have been a “probably” somewhere in that sentence and the request was also denied. However I knew I could not keep a monk house visitation at bay for ever.
The vague plan is that it would happen after the house renovations are complete. They are not complete; therefore the monk threat was at code yellow. And then it suddenly turned to code red.
Announced at 1800: “The monks are coming in the morning.” “No!. What? Fuck! We are not prepared”. “No problem, I will call my mother and she will come and help.” “But your mother is ten hours away by bus!” “So? Look you don’t have to do anything, just be here when they arrive at 1100.”
“You don’t have to do anything” is always a trigger for me to shut up, although I usually end up having to do something. On this occasion it was get up at 0500 and go pick up her mother, because she who must be obeyed was scared of ghosts in the garden and crazy drunk drivers at such an early hour. The former was bollocks, the latter was a valid concern; although whether a pissed-up motorist was more dangerous than a half-asleep me impressing my mother-in-law with Sports Mode and paddle shift in my new car is debatable.
The reason for the sudden monk-attack was because a level 50 ninja ajarn monk had been imported from the north to bless the house of a friend; and as he was coming all this way he might as well do our house too. So at 0630, wife and mum-in-law buggered off to the ceremony at the friend’s house (allegedly, I had gone back to bed for a snooze).
I awoke around nine, had breakfast and then went out for a coffee, returning at about 1050 to find the two ladies elbow deep in food preparation. I helped by not helping and went and sat in the garden with the cat to await the arrival of the great man.
He arrived relatively promptly (1130), along with a back-up monk for chanting duties and a supporting entourage. Various other people turned up as well, and we all sat down for a long session of chanting. We apparently got the deluxe programme, because there was at least half an hour of incantations, after which the monk splashed holy water over all of us, and over the floor which she who must be obeyed had cleaned that very morning. I felt it wise not to point out that fact.
The monks were then fed, the entourage held court around the tree in the garden, and I amused myself by encouraging the cat to bite people. After that there was the ritual filling of the white envelopes with large denomination bills and everyone went away spiritually and financially refreshed. Mainly painless, apart from helping to fill the envelopes.
In the afternoon we all took a nap; then the ladies were up again at 0545 the following morning to attend another session at another friend’s house by the visiting top man. Mother-in-law was then taken shopping and stuck on a bus in the evening for the long journey home.
Month threat level is now code green.
After such a mocking tone, I suppose I should clarify my position. Of all the belief systems, Buddhism strikes me as the least odious. As practiced here, it is a bewildering mash-up of assorted philosophies and gods; but it is an integral part of society and clearly brings structure and comfort to many (especially the monks). The beliefs and rituals may be nonsense; but if that nonsense adds to the happiness of my wife, then I am not going to diminish her happiness by sneering at her beliefs.
But I draw the line at monks going anywhere near my car.
Comments 🔗
2014-09-26| Grant saysPhotos please! These events are great fun. When our house was ‘opened’ I got special clearance to sit on a chair instead of the floor. Buddhism at local level is very entertaining and I never miss a chance to get involved and I have never understood the attitude of those ex-pats who won’t have a bar of it, they miss out on an awful lot of good stuff.
2014-09-29| Barry saysBuddhism in Thailand is a business operation. The monks do nothing without being paid for it.