House hunting with she who must be obeyed was an interesting experience. Instead of concentrating on the overall look of the place and its potential; she tended to focus on the trivial:
“I like the fourteen bathrooms, the panoramic views and the Olympic sized swimming pool; but I could not live with the light switches in the kitchen. Next?”
After a couple of weeks of rummaging around various offerings, she did manage to get her head around the idea that, once purchased, we could mould a dwelling to our own taste; or rather her taste as I don’t have any, and would live in a cardboard box if it had a fast internet connection and somewhere to keep my cameras. Consequently, we ended up with a house that we had actually viewed at the start of our search and had been summarily dismissed at that time because she didn’t like the colour of a shower curtain (or similar).
Even so, the promise that we could adapt the house to suit her style was not forgotten; and as soon as I handed over the cashier’s cheque, “improvement” lists were produced. I don’t mind; I trust her to make changes and know that she will manage the work conscientiously while I keep an eye on things from the relative comfort of the outside jacuzzi (or the hammock which I managed to add to one of her shopping lists). And at the end we will have a house she is happy with; and there is nothing better than a happy Thai wife (apart from a fast internet connection and a storage cabinet full of cameras).
Things really got going today when four different contractors arrived to inspect, measure and offer quotes for a variety of services. The first to arrive was an Englishman who was an exceedingly pleasant fellow; except he did have the annoying habit of speaking to my wife in broken English; presumably because he thinks that this is all she can understand.
Him: We go now look your toilet. Me: My wife does speak English. Him: Oh, very sorry, won’t do that again. Him: I not know what tile you like. Me: Oh, for fuck’s sake…
She who must be obeyed is very relaxed about this; but it gets up my nose. She even knows how to use “twat” in an appropriate context for goodness sake. Me no like contractor; me not sure he get job.
The other contractors were all Thai. We agreed the work scope before their arrival and then my wife would take them off on a tour of the premises to inspect the shower curtain that needed replacing; along with the laying to waste of the bathroom down to the foundations and maybe beyond. After a while they would return and a figure would be offered which I would react to with a weary smile, a lowering of the eyelids, and a heavy sigh. Everyone would then scuttle off and the process would be repeated until I signalled reluctant acquiescence. I must say I rather enjoyed this process.
All being well, and it almost certainly won’t be; various artisans* will swing into action early next week and our currently immaculate new house will look like it has recently been visited upon by crack team from Isis. But before that can happen; there is the small matter of the furniture.
Over the years I have accumulated substantial quantities of furniture. Some of it is actually quite good; which is a retrospective surprise. But now we are moving into something smaller, so fitting it all in might be a little difficult. Adding to the difficulty is the fact that the house we have just bought is what the agents describe as “fully furnished”; and in this case it is true. A sofa the size of a small yacht, four television sets, too many beds to count, etc. etc.
So we sat down and made a list of all the furniture we now owned and agreed that we either immediately buy a bigger house; or some of it has to go. And with she who must be obeyed’s mother and brother currently moving into new houses; you can guess where all the furniture is going…
They live twelve hours away; so it seemed sensible for me to offer to hire a large lorry, and it will require a LARGE lorry to hold it all, and have the whole lot loaded up and transported north. But no, that would be too easy. Instead, mother and brother and one other are driving two small trucks (of the sort you see fairly full after a family has been grocery shopping), down to Pattaya on Friday. On Saturday they will move some of the furniture to a cousin’s empty condo; and on Sunday they will take the rest home. This is madness; I mean we are talking wardrobes here, yacht sized sofas, king sized beds and mattresses. There is even a substantial refrigerator; but that is going to be taken to the post office on Saturday and posted. I kid you not.
Fortunately, I have learned how to behave on these occasions; and the behaviour is: stay well out of it. I will give them the keys, let them stay at the house; and I expect the surplus items to have gone by Sunday. And the annoying thing is, in spite of all my mocking and doubt; that is exactly what will happen. But if it doesn’t, you’ll be the third to hear about it.
*men with hammers
Comments 🔗
2014-07-02| **** saysYou have just reminded me of the 7 years I spent in Asia where my sum total possessions were a camera, 3 lenses, a few bricks of film and some underwear and pants plus the shirt I was wearing at the time ( I did wash it from time to time …) …it was so nice to be able to pack up in under 15 min and leave for parts unknown…now that I have a house, cars, and all the associated crapola I am sorely tempted to someday revert ( without joining an ashram in India ) and just bugger off somewhere….unfortunately SWMBO here is totally the opposite and no scrap of paper is deemed unworthy of keeping “just in case”… ( even failed lottery tickets…as if the world might lurch and suddenly announce that it really was worth 5 million dollars…)…I am now thinking that most marriage vows should be " do you promise to honour the most trivial, useless things as if they were gold? - and keep your mouth shut? " - ok…You’ll do…
2014-07-02| Andrew sayswhoa - missed the login again…anyway that was me…Mr Anonymous…which come to think of it is not a bad way to slither through life….
2014-07-02| Chang Noi saysMust be a Thai thing to dislike a house because of the color of pain that the previous owner used to paint the house. I on the other hand tend to look more to the street & the garden. Wishing you both a lot of patience and good luck the next months.
2014-07-03| Wally saysI
’except he did have the annoying habit of speaking to my wife in broken English.'
I have lost friends over this persistantly annoying habit, friends who just can’t seem to accept that some foreigners speak perfectly good English, occasionally better English that them. Liverpudlians seem to be the worst offenders. Having been married to my Thai wife for over 22 years and living together outside Thailand for 13 of those years in an English speaking environment, my wife’s English is pretty damn good, including her ability to read and write in English. Although sometimes her shopping list, written entirely in English, can be a source of amusement occasionally !
2014-07-03| Bob saysThe new HOUSE is smaller than the condo? That seems contrary to why most people buy houses…
I am only a few steps behind you. After a week of searching, I finally landed my new place in BKK. Fortunately, as Andrew recalled above, MY entire life has been boiled down to 2 pieces of luggage, a large backpacker pack, and two carry-on sized bags.
Yes, I sold the cinema display on eBay for $650. Counting the $200 (or $400) I didn’t have to pay to bring it, that’s a substantial swing in price. Of course, I’m stuck with the 15-inch MBP Retina screen for a while.
Good luck with the “improvements”!
2014-07-03| Spike saysWell in excess of two hundred square metres is becoming a little too much for two people and a cat; bastard to keep clean if nothing else. Compact house, big garden, private pool; delightful. Or at least it will be once it has been re-modeled to suit SWMBO.
2014-07-03| Spike saysI bought a 27" Dell for 18k, would never buy a Cinema Display again.