Thai news in English is so refreshingly straightforward. Take this headline from the Chiang Mai City News:
Man Murdered After Raping His Friend’s Cow
That’s telling it straight. English broadsheets would have treated it differently.
Cownal knowledge - The Sun (and Pattaya Days)
Bovine bonking prompts hoe hacking - The Mirror
Romanian immigrants and benefit scroungers suspected in murder tragedy - Daily Mail
Whatever, it’s a sad but amusing tale. Two friends go drinking (a lot). One goes to sleep and then wakes up to find his friend raping his cow. Presumably intimate relations with his cow are subject to permission; because the just-woken man kills his friend with a hoe.
I have a couple of concerns about the story though, and the first is: how do they know it was rape? The cow probably led a very sheltered life, with the only action being the occasional jerk of the udders. She may well have welcomed a little intimacy; even if it were less well endowed than she was used to. And the other question is: who will look after the cow now that one of the men is dead and the other will be going to prison for a long time?
I reckon a small patch of land could be cleared for her in Pattaya Soi 6. Now she is experienced, I am sure she would attract customers. They could call her Keira, and although you apparently shouldn’t put lipstick on a pig; I have never heard concerns about tarting up a cow.
Maybe a happy ending after all.
Comments 🔗
2014-03-31| **** saysDon’t mock. There is a petting zoo full of sheep somewhere on the Darkside that my friend had to take his girlfriend to one day. I had visions of a Soi 6 style farm for lonely Scots, Kiwis and Aussies. Sadly he didn’t want to get involved on the ground floor of what I considered a vertical market.
2014-03-31| Spike saysI hear it’s very good (for kids). Could be worth an overfly with the drone.
2014-03-31| Pete saysYou missed the Welsh.
2014-03-31| Pete says“Could you worth”. Oh dear - best find a way to edit that before GenuineJ logs in.
2014-03-31| Antz saysI take offense at the naming of the cow with such a gorgeous name !!
2014-04-01| BlogDaz saysWhat the hell do you drink, that makes you pass out, and require sex with a cow upon recovery….
2014-04-01| Spike saysOops. Genuinej does seem to be less vigilant than before; thank goodness.
2014-04-01| Spike saysIs Wales still a country?
2014-04-01| Spike saysI was wondering why Keira popped into my head; although I did recently watch Ms. Knightly in a movie called Last Night. Anyway, it’s never too late to rename your daughter Ermintrude in homage to the Magic Roundabout. Now, back to to those nappies.
2014-04-01| Spike saysI am sure we would all be intrigued to learn why you wanted to know…. Given the state of the some of the specimens that stagger out of Soi 6 on the arms of inebriated gentlemen, it would appear that sufficient volumes of almost anything would do the trick.
2014-04-01| Clive saysThere is a Television Game Show waiting to be franchised from Spike’s febrile brow here… Not dissimilar to “One Tune Sung to the Tune of Another” (I’m Sorry, I Haven’t A Clue), but this time, “News Headline In The Style Of A Newspaper” …
The Independent - We’re sorry, but it is a capital crime for anyone possessing a sense of humor to purchase a copy. The Guardian - We’re an intelligent broadsheet, don’t you know, but slightly left-of-centre and keen to prove our socialist mettle, Brother! The Times - We’re trying to look like an intelligent broadsheet, but we’re owned by Rupert Murdoch… so, cleavage! etc, etc
Kinda reminds me of that vaguely comical assessment of British breakfast-time television :-
“BBC Breakfast would write a formal letter to make an appointment. Everyone would turn up in crisp formal attire… ITV Good Morning would approach quietly, sure not to disturb the neighbors, politely ring the doorbell and wait to be invited inside… Channel Four’s Big Breakfast would lob a stun grenade through the letter box and dive headlong through the living room window… "
First prize in the headline-writing competition would have to be a year’s subscription to the rag in question. If that isn’t punishment enough, I’m sure we’ll come up with something…
2014-04-01| Andrew says
2014-04-01| Andrew saysI thought Soi 6 was based on this whole premise….
2014-04-02| Kevin saysNot sure if this is the correct spelling but may be more appropriate anyway but on many visits to Issan, I’ve regularly seen them drinking “Lao cow”. Perhaps this is the stuff to have a few tots of before you try your first bovine experience.
2014-04-03| BlogDaz saysObviously Spike, I would just like to avoid such a foul potion, but if it could be sufficient volumes of anything, I better avoid cows.