Beach Road blues

Pattaya’s Beach Road is similar to seaside promenades at many resort cities; but with more prostitutes.

The prostitutes are rounded up every few months, fined 200 baht, and then disgorged onto the street again. As for the road itself, it has been the subject of many make-overs. A project of a few years ago, to move cables underground or some similar nonsense, dragged on for a couple of high seasons and made both driving and walking a complete nightmare. So when yet another project was announced last year, eons of misery were anticipated.

The project involved widening the road and rebuilding the sidewalk (again). The intention being that traffic would flow more freely, therefore making the prostitutes less visible (not explicitly stated). The problem with this initiative is that the traffic chaos originates at the bend at the end of Beach Road, next to Walking Street and a set of traffic lights. No matter how quickly you progress down Beach Road, you are still going to hit the jam at the end. It’s like having a partially blocked sink drain, and then planning to resolve it by building a bigger sink.

Still, logic never gets in the way of construction contracts and before long everything was being ripped up and replaced. And whilst I love the opportunity to bitch and moan, I have to say that they completed the work reasonably quickly and the end result is pretty good. You can now whizz down Beach Road at a decent rate of speed before grinding to a halt at the snarl-up at the end. They have installed a couple of speed bumps, which are great for catching a bit of air if you get the launch speed correct (the one outside the police station is particularly satisfying); and you can really scare the shit out of crowds of Chinese tourists who foolishly believe that the pedestrian crossing actually give them some rights.

All this is courtesy of an additional lane, and red lines on the outer lane which prevent parking (mainly). Theoretically this should give us three and a bit lanes for the Beach Road Grand Prix; but the bit at the edge is inhabited by motor-bike renters, vendors and people sat on plastic seats for no apparent reason. This leaves three lanes, the inside of which is occupied by parked buses, baht buses chasing passengers and goods vehicles.

This gives us two lanes, but the outside lane is frequently choked with men on motorbikes driving slowly to look at prostitutes. My wife calls this the juicy head traffic jam. So that leaves one lane; but at least it is usually free of distractions and one can proceed at several times the legal speed limit; with no danger of being stopped by the police because they are always too busy stopping tourists on bikes so they can rip them off for “wearing a helmet not of the prescribed colour.” Allegedly.

In an attempt to free up the bus parking lane, City Hall have announced a project:

A key component of this project is the establishment of defined bus stops, where people can wait to pick up a baht bus or buses can unload their passengers.

For this to work, it has to be enforced; but as the police are too busy stopping the tourists with the wrong helmet colour, this is not going to happen (see also: using mobile phone while driving). As a result, the bus stop areas see very little bus stopping action, and plenty of parking and other forms encroachment:

Illegal occupation worsens as the evening (and traffic volume) progresses and it can’t be too long before the idea is abandoned.

Still, well done City Hall; but please finish off the last bit of the project which seems to have stalled (lack of funds?).

I hope you will allow us to enjoy this new drag strip for a few months before you pull it all up and start again.

Comments 🔗

2014-03-06 | ivo says

I enjoyed the walking area seaside a few weeks ago. Did look much better as before. I do believe that pattaya is already since 1974 the biggest black hole of public funds.

2014-03-08 | Andrew says

On the bus trip to the wife’s hometown in the Mekong Delta we pass through an area that has been “under construction” since before we were married ( 9 years ) - apparently each time funds are given to complete the local chief disappears with the $$$….I guess there have been a number of “local chiefs” who are most probably now enjoying the lifestyle in Ibiza or somewhere….so I guess Pattaya shows a win for democracy over communism ( although they seem to be harder to differentiate these days…)…

2014-03-09 | christianpfc says

You might have noticed that they installed benches, so people can sit down (other than on ground). These benches have stainless steel objects in their middle, which interfere with their (the benches) intended purpose (unless you like a but plug). However, a friend solved the mystery: these are to prevent people from laying down on the benches.