Shit management

The Japanese have always had a reputation for gadget-equipped toilets; but I was surprised just how prevalent they are. From five star hotels to public conveniences, a host of surprises awaited at every bowl.

Here is one example:

The heated seat was a suspiciously pleasing surprise every time I sat down; as was the immediate flushing that took place to ensure I was presented with a clean drop zone. This mini-flush repeated itself every few minutes, to remove any intermediate debris and remind that I had probably spent enough time with my iPad.

The bidet function was self evident. On some toilets they included an oscillation function which served to ensure that a greater area of your bum became soaked. The spray option seemed to provide the same experience as the bidet function. I suggested to she who must be obeyed that it was designed to spray wash a lady’s breasts; but she refused to test out my theory.

When out and about, my wife had the pleasure of investigating the facilities of public sit-down toilets. The winning feature as far as she was concerned was a toilet that contained a sensor which, when you waved your hand in front of it, triggered a loud flushing noise (without actually flushing). She reckoned this was so you could mask any farty noises that often accompany the act of defecation, although she didn’t word it exactly like that.

My favourite discover was this:

When you flushed this toilet, the refill water came out of a spout on top of the cistern; so you could wash your hands without wasting tap water at a sink. The only downside was that you had to wash your hands whilst standing over piles of poo being washed away. It will never catch on.

Less surprising than some of the facilities was that the public toilets were kept really clean, no doubt helped by signs like this:

Comments 🔗

2013-10-03 | Ron says

Same language translators for signs as in Thailand.

2013-10-03 | Andrew says

no, I would suggest Japlish is a much more refined version…where else could you find a furniture store called " Home, Homer, Homest"….

2013-10-04 | Quazimodo says

What no built in camera ? No link to FeceBook ? No kgs deposited message ? Did the seat expand to fit western dimensions ? Hardly an advanced civilisation these Nips !

2013-10-04 | Spike says

There is certainly more whimsy in Japanese attempts at English. Some of the T-shirts you see are wonderfully eloquent, by mistake.

2013-10-04 | Camberley says

I may be showing my primitive, uncouth origins here, but what is the difference between Bidet and Spray?

2013-10-04 | Spike says

As you can see from the graphics, one is for bum and one is for breasts; a distinction with which even the residents of Camberley are familiar.

2013-10-04 | Camberley says

Of course, how silly of me.

2013-10-05 | Mike N says

just in case you are seriously wondering, one is for the ladies (NOT their boobs!), the other is for your backside…they are aimed at slightly differently body parts ! terminal 21 shopping mall in BKK has these super-duper toilets !

2013-10-05 | Camberley says

Thanks. I suppose it could be quite erotic

2013-10-11 | Jock says

Velly Interesting !! Best I´ve seen since Schipol airport where the lady cleaners suggested puting a transfer of a fly near the base of the urinal for guys to aim at to eliminate ´spray´ … I`ve seen since candles (piss out the flame) ..

2013-10-12 | Spike says

Why am I not surprised that you had knowledge of the strategic thinking of the lady toilet cleaners at Schipol airport? Suspect there is a back story to that and that other bodily fluids are involved.

2013-10-12 | Spike says

I seem to recall that you used to have quite a wide definition of what could be considered erotic.

2013-10-14 | Camberley says

I detect a bit of pot and kettle here, anyway what do you mean by “used to”?