It’s a whole month since we went to the opening day of the Teddy Bear Museum, which wasn’t. She who must be obeyed had taken the opportunity of their 10% pricing offer on that day and secured us a couple of bargain tickets; which meant 25 baht for her and 50 baht for me; because teddies are racists.
The tickets were only valid until the end of this month; so we headed to the museum this morning with real anticipation. My wife was in such a hurry that she nearly obliterated a couple of Russian tourists who dared to hover on the cusp of the road before dashing for the comparative safety of the pavement. I saw the look of naked fear in their eyes as we whizzed past.
“He who hesitates is lost” I observed pithily.
“Is that an English saying”, enquired the harbinger of near death, sawing at the steering wheel.
“Indeed it is, do you know who said it?”
“George Michael?”
Of course I had no idea who said it; so I could only answer: “Correct!”
While I furtively looked up the real author of this particularly banal offering (it was Adam Ant), she who must be obeyed was considering what we might witness in the exciting hours ahead. “It’s a museum, so we will find out about the history of the teddy bear? Who invented them, where the name came from, things like that?'
I assured her that that was the case and read out the Wikipedia definition of “museum” in a voice which was meant to indicate that I was defining this from my own massive intellect and not reading it from the wide wide word of web.
A museum is an institution that cares for (conserves) a collection of artifacts and other objects of scientific, artistic, cultural, or historical importance and makes them available for public viewing through exhibits that may be permanent or temporary.
After a few more tourist near misses, we parked and made our way to the entrance:
I think we were both surprised by what greeted us inside. There was no sign of “a collection of artifacts and other objects of scientific, artistic, cultural, or historical importance”; but there was a fuckload of teddies.
Because what this museum had done was illustrate the vital role of the teddy in the rise of civilisation, and even in the evolution of life on earth, by means of a series of stunningly accurate dioramas upon which had been dumped massive quantities of teddies. To say that our breath was taken away would be an inaccurate description of our feelings.
The first eye-opener for me was to discover that teddies are highly active in the field of paleontology:
I suspect that it is teddy paleontologists who are are supporting the theory that dinosaurs were wiped out of existence by a large meteor strike; cleverly disguising the real cause: brutal and callous hunting to extinction by teddies in leotards:
Teddies appear to have been less than kind to other species as well. Here we see the Great White Teddy and his grass-skirted minions assaulting an elephant of the genus Waltus Disnus:
There was even reference to the feared pink teddy of doom who ranged over the plains of Africa with his fleet of Land Rovers, collecting the heads of his kill and getting head from baby giraffe:
Away from the senseless slaughter, some balance was provided by showing teddies pursuing their spiritual side (or maybe it was depicting a show in Boy’s Town):
In other scenes we met teddies in a lighter mood; taking a break from slaughter and worship:
Other set-pieces were more mysterious in nature; but all helped convey the deep and mystical world of the teddy through the ages. It was hard not to be moved:
At the end of our wondrous journey into teddydom, we found ourselves passing through an emporium wherein we could purchase our very own teddy:
Overcome with emotion, we declined and stumbled outside.
For an enterprise that seems to actively encourage the taking of photos, it was very hard to do so. Low light of many hues meant F1.4 and high ISOs; not the basis for a decent capture. Still, I felt grateful to have been given the opportunity to spend 50 baht (500 baht to you, sir) in order to capture just a small selection of snaps of these magnificent animals. I decided that there was no point continuing further with my camera and so immediately sold it to a nice American chap in Big C.
On the drive home I was in a pensive state, pondering the world of the teddy and the fact I had just sold my favourite camera. She who must be obeyed was not so happy.
“Did you enjoy that?” I enquired. “No. It wasn’t a museum, it was a just a load of shitty teddy bears.”
But what does she know, she can’t even identify one of Adam Ant’s most famous sayings.
Comments 🔗
2013-10-27| Kevin Moore saysWell Spike it does say on your site “An ordinary life in an extra-ordinary place “. This is without doubt an extra-ordinary place. I would think as museums go it’s unique and I struggle to think of anywhere else on the planet where you’ll find such an informative dispaly.
Hopefully if this great big storm which is about to descend on the UK allows, I’ll be with you on Tuesday and can’t wait to find out where your next day out will be when your good lady gets her day off.
2013-10-27| genuinej saysIt certainly looks like crap of the highest order! It’s a surprise it’s been allowed to open, given the over-supply of bears constantly on the move around the city on street vendors’ handcarts. Are you sure it was Adam Ant btw? I think you’ll find that Joseph Addison beat him to it by about 300 years.
2013-10-27| Spike saysI did find that; but crediting it to Adam Ant amused me.
2013-10-27| Spike says“I struggle to think of anywhere else on the planet where you’ll find such an informative display.”
The sanitary towel counter at Tesco’s?
2013-10-27| Andrew saysHats off to you - any man who has been to see the Teddy Pope(s) and has the pics to prove it is deserving of respect…..the kind of respect that can only be fulfilled with a new camera…and I’m pretty sure it was neither Ant nor Addison but Johnny Rotten before his first dive into a mosh pit…
2013-10-28| Fimgirl saysBoy, you sure do live on the edge!
2013-10-28| Ivo saysLovely, the writing was amusing. As with many things in Thailand, the word museum has another definition. Seeing the props used in the museum I think I know who has created this mess.
2013-10-28| Spike saysI AM the James Nachtwey of Pattaya.
2013-10-28| Spike saysSame owners as Art in Paradise I understand. The fact we were greeted in Korean by Thai staff rather reinforced the message.
2013-10-28| JAN BRIGHTMORE saysworth a hunded for the life experience alone. Thanks for sharing,
2013-10-28| Spike saysBut the normal price is 500; is it worth that…? It was worth 50 baht to me because I knew it would be excellent fodder for a blog post.
2013-10-28| genuinej saysAt 500 baht a go, I think the bears will be condemned to permanent hibernation in very short order.
2013-10-28| Jock saysIt would appear, at first glance, that your average modern day Teddy Bear has an iPad http://www.thuringia-tourism.com/travel-hotel-holiday-tour/133441.html
2013-10-29| ChristianPFC saysI can’t find a better word than “brilliant” to describe this article. Your wit and eloquence is second to none.
Picture number 6 is not a depiction of a show in Boyz Town (note the spelling).
2013-10-29| Looper saysI was in Korea this northern summer and seems like almost every town has a teddy bear museum.
I did not partake!
2015-03-23| ChristianPFC - Adventures in Thailand: Pattaya Feb 2015 says[…] attraction in Pattaya which I will probably never visit). However, Pattayadays has been there 2013_10_pattaya-teddy-bear-museum and I couldn't say it any better. Have one hour foot massage near Tuk-Com (not in the mood for […]