It was she who must be obeyed’s birthday last week. It’s good when she adds another year, makes the age difference between us seem less significant.
In keeping with our agreement that we would not buy each other birthday presents, I had not planned any purchase; but it seemed wise to ask her if there is anything that she wanted. She declared that she wanted a full medical check-up at Bumrungrad hospital in Bangkok. She is constantly convinced that she has a range of dire diseases, so a health check-up is an occasional event that proves, for a day or so, that there is little wrong with her. Anyway, as she was going to be off work for two days at the time of her birthday, a trip to Bangkok was doable; so I prepared to book a hotel. Then she decided she would just go to a local hospital. Then she decided that she would just go to the nearby clinic which was excellent news because it is cheap and convenient; and the best birthday presents are cheap and convenient (unless it is my birthday).
It’s a year since I last had a check-up there, but I decided not to do the full test again. I told my wife this was because I wanted to wait a few more months for my new diet regime to really take effect; but the truth is I really couldn’t be bothered with trying to scoop a small amount of poop into a plastic cup so early in the morning; it’s just not a component of a civilised life.
Instead I went for some cancer tumour markers, all of which were thankfully negative, plus a total cholesterol score which came out at 150; some 40 points lower than the last test. There is much debate about whether there is actually a need for a low cholesterol score, and of course I should really have checked the other cholesterol components; but wisdom indicates that an overall score of 150 or lower means that the chance of heart attack is almost nil; although it sadly does nothing to reduce the chance of being run over by a baht bus.
In addition I had a range of tests on my thyroid function which showed that it continues to swing towards equilibrium, but it is not there yet.
As for my beloved wife; her results were the same as a year ago; everything OK apart from her cholesterol which continues to rise. “I really must do something about it” she declared; which is exactly what she said last year before doing absolutely nothing.
To celebrate her general good health and as a last celebration before she embarks upon a revised lifestyle (which won’t happen), we went to the Infiniti restaurant at the Sheraton. Lovely location, great food, wallet-destroying price. I will propose to change the birthday rules to “no presents and no fancy meals”; but not until after my birthday.