In the good old days, I banked with HSBC in both Jersey and Thailand, and transferring funds from the UK to Thailand was as easy as logging onto my UK internet banking and pushing some funds towards Thailand. Invariably the money would be in my account here the next day, and with no charge.
When HSBC closed down their personal banking in Thailand, I moved to Bangkok Bank whose services have generally been satisfactory; but transfers from the UK are not as smooth as they used to be. Firstly, HSBC now charges me for the transfer. I expect Bangkok Bank also charge me; but all I see is a sum in my account, converted into baht at a secret rate, and it arrives usually about four days after I send it.
But then a couple of week ago it had not arrived after ten days and I decided I better do something about it. I duly presented myself at Bangkok Bank and explained the problem. The smiling assistant rattled off the usual “it can take 4-5 days”, an argument I expertly parried by highlighting (again) that is was already ten days and no cash and how could I expect to feed my wife and non-existent children without my monthly pension?
This spurred her into action and she got on the phone to their head office. While talking to them she asked me the occasional question which I answered and tagged on comments like “it never used to be like this with HSBC” and “can’t understand how you can screw up such a simple thing as an electronic transfer” and “I suppose the children will have to have a shared pot noodle for dinner, again”; all generally designed to highlight me as a grumpy farang/treasured customer who is not to be mucked around.
Eventually she finished the phone call.
Well, I know what the problem is.
Great. Didn’t used to be like this, not happy with the service, let me tell you…
You wrote down your account number incorrectly.
Pardon?
You transposed the first two numbers, look.
Oh.
Indeed I had, and even though I had carefully checked the number before making the transfer, and again before coming to complain at the bank, I had failed to spot this. Where is genuinej when you really need him?
Cue extreme loss of face and me moving into back-peddle mode. Oh, my poor vision, how could that have happened, silly me, thank you so much for finding out what was wrong etc. etc.
Her eyes were gloating but she retained her professional demeanour. Would I like them to return the funds to the UK as they could not accept them; of course they would have to charge me twenty pounds for pressing the button to do this. Indeed I would I confirmed, refraining from adding “would have been nice if you had advised me of this when it arrived, rather than sitting on my money for ten days waiting to see what might happen”. I think I had made enough of a tit of myself for one day.
I scuttled out of the bank and stood in a quiet corner moaning to myself, and then went home and waited for the money to pop back into my HSBC account in the UK. It didn’t.
I mailed the bank and asked them what had happened to the transfer that had been rejected by Bangkok Bank and returned to my account. After two days I had a reply stating that they didn’t know; but for the knock-down price of twenty five pounds they would open an investigation to find out. I replied that I would expect that a transfer to my account would just arrive in my account, rather than requiring me to pay them to put it there. But yes, please investigate and give me back my money, less the twenty five pounds for the exhaustive effort that I am sure would be required to locate it.
Nothing happened for a week, then my mobile rang. It was a man with an accent which indicated he was probably not in the same time zone as Jersey and he wanted to know if I was me. I confirmed that I was, but this was not sufficient and we went through the usual rigmarole of security questions which I almost failed when I forgot the name of my grandmother’s favourite fish (the answer is “umbrella”, it’s a trick question).
Eventually he was satisfied I was who I said I was and he launched into the topic of my missing money.
We note that you send this sum to Bangkok Bank on a regular basis.
Indeed I do, it’s my pension with which I feed my wife and imaginary offspring.
Well, can you explain why they have rejected this transfer, it’s identical to all the previous transfers.
Are you sure? (Now it was my turn).
Yes.
Absolutely sure?
Yes.
Identical in every respect?
Oh yes Mr. Spike; so why would they reject it.
Well, either because they spotted it was laundered drug money, or maybe because the first two numbers of the account are transposed (said with a rising note of triumph and disdain).
-small pause-
Oh… Well, would you like us to credit this back to your account?
No, I would like you take the entire sum in small denomination notes, roll them into a cylinder and ram them up your overcharging, big bonused arse. Which is what I didn’t say; instead I summarised the sentiment with “yes please”.
But in some small way, I felt a sense of vindicated victory.
Comments 🔗
2013-07-03| Chang Noi saysMight you ever feel the weird idea of wanting to know what happens with the amount of money once it is transferred to the Bangkok Bank HQ bank account and then transferred to your bank account?
I had that feeling and requested a detailed report of transfer …. it had a lot of numbers but still left out that they actually steal some money from their customers. As I pay in my home country the full cost of transfer I should not be charged here again. Bangkok Bank (and Siam Commercial Bank) think different about that.
Well done chap.
2013-07-03| Froggy (Hurom convert) saysShould switch to Kasikorn they have a better exchange rate most of the time.
2013-07-03| Wally saysWhat sort of fish is umbrella ?
2013-07-03| robin saysDried fish of some sort, I expect.
2013-07-03| Spike saysI did say it was a trick question…
2013-07-05| TinkyWinky says" It was a man with an accent which indicated he was probably not in the same time zone as Jersey and he wanted to know if I was me."
Could be SWIFT surveillance.
A typical conversation with a man claiming to be from my UBS bank goes: Him: “I see you’ve made a transfer to Thailand, can you confirm your date of birth,” Me: “yes it was 11th Feb 1972 (lie)” Him “And for your security question can you tell me your favorite pet. " Me: “yes, umbrella (lie)”
Him: “Your date of birth isn’t what I have on file” Me: “But my birthday is 7th Feb 1972 (also a lie, but I often put it in web email requests and anywhere online I am asked to enter my dob).”
Him: “Oh 7th, I misheard, That’s better” Me (thinks to self): Moron.
When that happened I knew this wasn’t my bank, but yet they have the bank transfer detail in front of them.
My guess is USA surveillance of the SWIFT banking system, but no way to confirm it.