In my previous life I managed to survive for thirty two years without receiving any training. Part of my yearly evaluation report required the completion of a small box defined as “development training needs”. My boss would always put “none”. This was partly because I had no discernible skills that could be built upon by any form of training; but also because I told him I didn’t want any; and it was easier for him to write “none” than argue with me.
This was somewhat unusual in a company where young engineers considered it a right to spend at least four weeks a year in a some god-forsaken building in Holland; brushing up on whatever it is that engineers need to brush up on. I was having none of that. It all sounded a little too much like work, albeit in a different place and without a regular supply of decent free coffee.
Instead I selflessly saved the company money on the training budget; which in turn made it hard for my boss to refuse my regular requests to attend a “seminar”.
Seminar’s were great. They were not run by the company so there was nobody to check whether I had performed to any level, or even turned up; which if the event was held in a suitably attractive location; I often didn’t. “Boss, I really think I could benefit from this three day time management/total quality seminar in Fiji”. The benefit I had identified in this case was a chance for a spot of windsurfing, a lot of drinking and a chance to buy some flowery shirts.
I made a point of stressing my total lack of development training when I finally retired after more than thirty years loyal service; whilst simultaneously failing to mention the many free, enjoyable and often hungover outings I had enjoyed at company expense under the guise of attending a seminar.
But my training reluctance did not extend to providing training. Quite the opposite, I loved training people. Give me a room full of bored office workers who have no choice but to listen to me drone on for six hours about some new computer system that is about to be foisted upon them; and I am a happy man. I loved working out how to impart information to people; and derived even more pleasure when some of that information seemed to be absorbed without the attendees falling asleep too often. And best of all I liked the rule that the trainer always got to chose which snacks would be served during the course. The catering staff in Kuala Lumpur were bewildered when I ordered Ondi Ondi for six weeks straight in support of one of my courses; little knowing that I personally ate most of them, and took any remainder home to snack in the evening. It was great, if rather fattening, being a trainer.
In my new role as retired layabout there is little chance to play at training; especially as the cats seem to have no interest in absorbing new knowledge. But this afternoon I had a chance to run a little training session.
My pupil was a very nice lady who wants to remain anonymous so I will just call her “Gail”. Gail had read my photography guide and found her eyes glazing over by page three, which is further than most people manage. She asked if I could give her some personal training, and of course I said yes and was immediately drawing up a syllabus and considering visual aids.
We started with one of my Kievs, used to explain the fundamental features of a camera. We watched the shutter open, we played with the F stops on the lens. We noted the absence of anything remotely as advanced as an exposure metre.
Then we had the E-M5 on a tripod and worked through aperture, shutter speed and ISO, played with exposure compensation, understood the PASM dial and had what might almost be described as fun with spot metering. We finished off with an hour at the Chinese temple where I set her some little challenges, all of which she passed with flying colours. We had a minor hiccup when her Sony Alpha 200 wouldn’t go above 400 ISO on auto-ISO and she briefly hoped it was broken so she could go out and buy another camera; but a check with Mr. Google confirmed that this was a feature. Shame.
Fun afternoon, just a shame there were no Ondi Ondi on the menu.
Comments 🔗
2013-03-13| robin saysI used to be a corporate trainer and one of the only real perks was the food, starting with a Chinese bun and fresh juice for breakfast, followed with doughnuts at morning break… you get the picture.
2013-03-13| genuinej saysAh, training courses. I remember them well. Total waste of time and money, being ’trained’, i.e. being told how to do your job, by folk with few ideas, little common sense and nil experience. Generally nothing more than a good skive, admittedly usually in a decent hotel with excellent grub.
2013-03-14| Spike saysAs I suspected; it’s all about the food.
2013-03-14| Chang Noi saysThe German seminars were great, but nobody showed up after lunch as all were drunk of the German beer. The seminars in Davos were also great because they were in the morning so a bit skiing and apres-ski fun was guaranteed. To be followed by the best diners, paid by Kodak, Siemens or Philips.
2013-03-14| The Heavyweight saysNa denn - prost!
2013-03-14| Grant saysYou’re absolutely right, years of seminars have made me the fine full-figured chap I am today. Whenever the registration forms came with a “dietary requirements” box I always used to fill it in “Prime Ribeye Steak”…
2013-03-19| Jock saysI remember being sent by The Great Pecten to Bristol .. on several occassions … I quite enjoyed the training and really enjoyed the evenings … until the last visit when we ended up at a whisky festival on the Thursday …. woke up at 1pm Friday with a 4 pm departure from Heathrow .. just made it !!