Birthdays can fuck off

Yes, it’s the annual reminder that I creep ever closer to death. And I am meant to celebrate?

She who must be obeyed was insistent that she should buy me a present and wanted to know what I wanted. I do have a list, but every item comfortably exceeds her monthly salary, most of which already disappears in support payments to her increasingly lunatic and dysfunctional family. But she was keen to mark the occasion, and we just happened to walking past a camera shop, and they just happened to have this in the window:

No, not the camera, but the thing on the front that looks like a complicated body cap. It’s the faintly ridiculous body cap lens from Olympus. More expensive than an ordinary body cap, but substantially cheaper than one of their rip-off lens hoods. An ideal gift because I would never buy one for myself; but if my beloved wants to buy me one to play around with, and that makes her happy; then I will gladly accept. And I did. Mocking review to follow eventually.

I also received a gift from the son. An excellent T-shirt and a 3D printed figure which I understand but you lot wouldn’t; so let’s just say that it is very cool and it may be photographed at some point.

But that all happened last week, which meant I blasted into my exciting day of celebration today with nothing to mark the occasion. But my wife had secreted a little gift in the post box with a suitably labelled card:

It’s true, I am the cutest in the building, although it’s a close run thing with that Brazilian babe on the 17th floor my wife. In the box was a subtle hint that I stink:

Actually, it’s a well-chosen gift because my current stick of smell containment is nearing an end; but of course she knew that.

In a suitable birthday mood, I spent the morning doing some housework. In particular I removed all the computers from the computer table, cleaned off a lifetime of dust and cat hair and wax polished the table top. Then I changed the bed sheets and cleaned the cats litter trays; what a special day. After that it was off to the ATM to get some cash to pay the electricity bill, and the screen flashed up a cake and candles before announcing that my account was dangerously low.

Then it was off to the mobile phone company where the girl told me I had two months overdue and then softened the blow by wishing me a happy birthday and telling me I could make free calls within Thailand today. I have not taken advantage of this superb annual offer because I don’t know anyone I want to talk to.

When my wife returns from work we will go for some good food and even better wine and I shall raise a glass to all the gods that I don’t believe in for allowing me to still be around. Life is good, although birthdays can fuck off.

Comments 🔗

2012-10-29 | Spanky says

Happy birthday Spike! Least you made cutest in the building and not just the floor or condo.

That was the surprise lens you told me about. I look forward to the mocking review to determine if I need to invest in one.

2012-10-29 | Spike says

Sneak preview: You don’t.

2012-10-29 | Jock says

Ok then can we have a sneak preview of the Brazilian babe on the 17th floor instead ?

2012-10-29 | Spanky says

So stick with using my 14 or 20 as my lens cap.

2012-10-29 | Jan says

I have never met a man (husband, brother, friend) who does not deny wanting then and then REALLY wants a pressie on his birthday/ Christmas even if it is a stick of deodourant - dont think the evolutioary model they follow has achieved that yet

2012-10-29 | Spike says

Yes

2012-10-29 | Spike says

It’s because we all have a mental age of 14.

2012-10-29 | Grant says

Many happy returns old chap, well done! And as you slide downhill into incontinance and senility (your words) do be comforted by the knowledge that many of your friends are following close behind…

2012-10-30 | Grant says

When?

2012-11-01 | The Lighweight says

Yep, many happy returns! Getting old is not so bad, as long as we don’t look as old as we are! ;-)

2012-11-02 | Spike says

I don’t. I look older.

2012-11-02 | Grant says

Especially in your CrapWizard (tm) getup…

2012-11-03 | The Lightweight says

Don’t fret, embrace the possibilities - like people helping you across the road and such ;-)

2012-11-05 | Grant says

…until they twig that you make Victor Meldrew seem very pleasent indeed by comparison and leave you stranded on a traffic island…