Grand Prix somewhere

Singapore is not a place I would chose to reside; but after twenty five years of living in other Asian countries, coping with varying levels of organisational chaos, I have often enjoyed a few days luxuriating in Singapore where everything pretty much works the way you expect it to.

So when they announced they would run a Formula 1 race around the streets of the city, I was fully confident they could pull it off; and of course they did. The Singapore Grand Prix is one of the best organised and well-liked in the season.

Malaysia is more chaotic than Singapore; so they played it safer by spending millions on a new track on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur.

Thailand is more chaotic than Malaysia and so holding a Grand Prix anywhere would be a bit of challenge, but arranging it out in the countryside would be the easiest option. Some careful planning and costing would be needed to identify a location, define construction and infrastructure costs, and address all the other considerations involved in hosting a world-class sporting event.

So I was surprised to read a report in the Bangkok Post today regarding a visit of the Sports Authority of Thailand governor to the Singapore race where he met with Bernie Ecclestone who has apparently agreed to a Thailand Grand Prix in 2014, preferably in Bangkok.

First of all, Bernie doesn’t agree to things like that without prefacing the agreement with “you will pay Formula One a bazillion dollars up front”. Secondly, you don’t get to run a race unless the track has been verified as being up to international standards. So where is this track?

Bernie wants it to be in Bangkok; so maybe he does have a sense of humour. Various officials have already popped up to voice concerns. “Bangkok has a lot of buildings” announced one ‘high-ranking’ official. Never spotted that, but then I am not high ranking. He went on to state that Bangkok also had sacred places, as if some design had been put forward that required the pits to be situated in a temple car park.

The permanent secretary to the Tourism and Sports Ministry pointed out that one of the problems to be addressed would be noise pollution, and I have to agree with him on that one. Can’t have the drivers being distracted by some fucker in a van driving round the streets blaring news about the price of vegetables, mixed in with the local karaoke bar, topped off with TVs on the street broadcasting the latest Thai soap screaming match at full volume. Jenson would get a headache.

So if not in Bangkok, where? Both Pattaya and Chiang Mai have been mentioned, without anyone actually going further and explaining exactly where twenty four of the fastest cars on the planet and a hundred thousand spectators could meet for a safe race.

Even if nobody knows where it is going to held, and therefore has no idea what costs will be involved, the Tourism and Sports Minister was very confident about where the money would come from. Sixty percent of an unknown figure would be funded by the government, with the remaining costs being sponsored by companies such a Singha and Red Bull who will no doubt be delighted to hear how their advertising budget is to be overspent in 2014, assuming anyone bothers to inform them. Still, “further talks are needed to finalise details”. Something of an understatement methinks.

In short, it’s never going to happen. However, I do not wish to be negative about my adopted country, so I hereby offer the road outside my condo as a DRS zone, and I will be selling seats on my balcony at appropriate rates; use of toilet facilities extra. Book now, I only need a bazillion baht deposit.

Comments 🔗

2012-09-26 | Mike N says

there are plenty of tollways, expressways,motorways and ringroads around Bangkok … I’m sure they could link them together to make a perfectly good race track…. after all, lots of amateur racers treat them like a race track already ! ( Like the tosser in a brand new hilux who went screaming past me at around 200kph, totally ignoring the smoke coming from his exhaust, until he disappeared in a big cloud of steam, oil and miscellaneous engine parts about 20 seconds later.)

2012-09-27 | Chang Noi says

Well it seems that Sukhumvit road in BKK is already used as race-track, although sometimes there is an police-officer on his motorbike on the track. Well the could extend the “Bonanza circuit” in Khao Yai but as far as I know there no tracks in Thailand that are internationally recognized as racing-track.

2012-09-27 | Grant says

What a lot of interesting concepts this proposal raises! Mike N has a point, there probably is more than enough tollway/expressway/motorway spaghetti to make a circuit or two, brief forays down to street level to change direction, use the toll booths as chicanes. The down-side is that spectators would have to be in helicopters, tho’ wee Bernie wouldn’t mind given that he’s got the F1 TV rights sown up for decades. He’d also probably insist that the drivers stop at the toll booths and pay 30 Baht, thus opening up the only possible F1 revenue stream he hasn’t already plundered. I guess the only place where you could have built a circuit in modern Bangkok would have been at Don Muang, on the Air Force side, but Bernie’s TV choppers would have interfered too much with the commercial operation for it to be a goer. No one would miss the Thai A/Force not operating for a few days, given that the Army strives to take the lead in the All-Thailand Military Air Crash stakes. For pure road racing spectacle, turning the entire ring road around the perimeter of Ayutthaya island in to an F1 track would create an event to remember but, and ditto for Chiang Mai, it ain’t going to happen. There is an International Go-Kart track at Ban Mo in Saraburi which is certainly large enough to race cars on but would need extending and developing for anything more. It’s certainly well located and unusually for central Thailand, quite scenic, being located alongside a picturesque lake which has been created from a huge abandoned quarry. Otherwise, the Army has huge land holdings and a very large aerodrome at Lopburi and if they could be talked out of crashing planes for a few days I’m sure they could host the F1 circus with ease. They’d have to be keen, it would put the Police noses right out of joint! Is it really never going to happen Spike? Sadly, I think you are right. With that sort of money up for discussion the vested interests will be pulling in so many opposite directions that the status quo, nothing, has to be first to get the chequered flag once again.

2012-09-27 | Mark de Kock says

If the city of Bangkok would host. A number of other minor details come up ;-) Grid lock for days of already crowded motorways. Not to mention the stray dogs running around the track.. ;-D

2012-09-27 | Barry says

If they held it on the streets of Bangkok the boys in brown would be stopping the drivers for a donation. Add to that they would follow the Thai tradition of advertising the race (perhaps) for one day and time and holding it on another. Spike has experience of this. And really, what is the chance of F1 having three venues all within a very tiny area of the globe? Zero, I’d say.

2012-09-27 | Spike says

I agree, it would be like Italy, Germany and Hungary all having a Grand Prix; very unlikely.

2012-09-27 | Mark de Kock says

If it would be held in Bangkok, grid locking traffic and stray dogs running around could be a problem..