Our house, in the middle of our street

When I started Pattaya Days in 2008, I didn’t really have any readership numbers in mind; I just wanted to write and stick it out there. I knew Billy might read it because he was the catalyst, and maybe a few others would pop in from time to time.

So it was quite surprising to me that, by the end of last year, around 300 people a day had nothing better to do than pop in for a look. In addition, there was a hard-core of amusing and intelligent commenters who could be relied upon to keep me straight (e.g. “There is no such word as “commenter”) and add some sparkle.

All most gratifying, and I felt that Pattaya Days had become the online equivalent of a second rate curio shop with bemused but loyal clientele. The shop was a little dusty, with a few tatty chairs and bring your own coffee. Around the walls were assorted articles and photos that visitors could examine and mock. Suggestions for improvement were met with disdain, because the management of the shop was more Fawlty Towers than Tate Modern, with Spike as Basil and SWMBO doing an excellent impersonation of Sybil. Over in the corner you could spot genuinej playing the part of the major, asking if the papers had arrived and then complaining about the missing word this sentence. Somewhere out the back there was Jock as Manuel, yelling something almost unintelligible involving a girl in a leather suit and a tub of butter. In the optimistically named “nook” we could find Grant watching re-runs of “On The Buses” courtesy of an ancient VCR recorder, whilst constantly shushing Pete who was trying to point out the obvious tautology, and invented word, in the postpenultimate sentence.

All in all, a cosy environment, and we were happy; oh yes we were happy. And then on 31st May it all started to go horribly wrong. On the wall, next to the stuffed dog and not far from the permanently blocked toilets, the proprietor put up a posting describing a place called Art in Paradise.

For a couple of days, nothing untoward happened. Then the door kept opening and in walked people we had never seen before. Muddy feet depositing more mud on the already muddy carpets, headphones blasting music that was apparently “Czech death trash punk”, and sporting suspiciously scented cigarettes. They all headed straight for the Art in Paradise exhibit, half-looked at the photos, and then turned around and left. We didn’t ask for this.

By the end of the month, the trail to Paradise had worn a hole through the carpet and complaints from regulars were growing. Spike reported on the phenomenon and we all hoped the rush would die down. No such luck.

July has been mayhem. More than sixteen thousand people through the door, five thousand of whom went straight for the Art in Paradise post, which by now was starting to look a bit scruffy; and someone had put a cigarette butt in the ear of the stuffed dog, which has done nothing to improve its looks.

Enough is enough. I have now moved the Art in Paradise exhibit to a wall near the entrance and installed a walkway which directs visitors past the exhibit and then straight out through the tradesman’s entrance. On the way they will pass Spanky who is doing something furtive behind a magazine, which should further discourage return visits.

Of course, some of the new visitors may have lingered longer and decided to browse more of the feeble offerings; in which case, welcome. But to the rest of you Art in Paradise seekers, close the bloody door on the way out.

Comments 🔗

2012-08-01 | Bob says

I don’t get it. What did you do with it?

2012-08-01 | Barry says

Not really sure of the point you’re trying to make here. You don’t like the greater number of visitors to the site?

2012-08-01 | Pete says

Out of interest I just Googled art in paradise - all small letters and with no quotation marks. How surprising to find that the first result offered was Pattaya Days, on several searches. It consistently came way above the actual site. Perhaps renaming the entry to something like “Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe” will slow the stampede slightly and save the wear and tear on the carpets?

On the subject of searches - how the hell does someone arrive at Pattaya Days after having searched for diego garcia filipino community?

ICWUDT! Tautology and invented word duly noted and filed away for future use.

2012-08-01 | Spike says

It’s moved to a wall near the entrance.

2012-08-01 | Spike says

Just been swamped with visitors to a single post and that prompted the idea. The point is that I enjoyed writing it.

2012-08-01 | Spike says

When I search on " diego garcia filipino community” this comes up in second place: 2009_05_thai-sexual-fantasy-on-diego-garcia-by-filipino-nymphs-living-in-singapore Which may prompt another question…or maybe not as it appears you were part of the crucial debate in the great endeavour that was country bingo.

2012-08-01 | Pete says

I’d forgotten the country bingo - that was years ago when you had the flags on the home page.

2012-08-01 | Jan says

Our house in the middle of ou street - sounds like madness to me…………

2012-08-01 | Grant says

Oh, “nook”, got it! Whilst I’m deeply gratified to be considered an habitue (sorry, I don’t know how to put the little thingie above the ’e’) of your second-rate curio shop (shush, Pete!) in all it’s dusty glory I too am puzzled as to what you have done to direct the roving plonkers away who race on in (shush, Pete!) looking for art in paradise. I too Googled it and it lands you right here. No wall, no tradesman’s entrance, or even exit as it should be (shush, Pete!), just free to wander around pointing loudly and leaving stupid comments or the occasional spam. WE can do that, stuff them! Retitle it “Thailand Climbs Mount Everest” (shush, Pete!), you’ll never get another hit!!

2012-08-01 | Pete says

You mean this little thingie - é?

I’ll shush now ….

2012-08-01 | Grant says

That’s the little bugger…

2012-08-01 | Jock says

Spike, might need to place a Tub of butter by the Tradesman´s entrance … that might keep them away … the Fawlty post was a great concept and a good laugh :-)

2012-08-01 | Spike says

A common misconception. It is, of course, taken from Nietzsche’s The BIrth of Tragedy; the second edition translation by Ian Johnston.

2012-08-01 | Spike says

I think your fingermarks in the butter would put everyone off (amazing I still remember that story, I was so jealous!).

2012-08-01 | Spike says

How young and foolish we were then. If only we knew what lay ahead.

2012-08-01 | Eric says

I think that post may have been when I started following your blog. I don’t remember. I saw it from somewhere, thought your writing was witty, and stuck it in my RSS feeder. Unlike most other feeds, I didn’t get bored and kill it. So I continue to read. :)

2012-08-02 | Spike says

Welcome Eric, hope you will hang around.