Four things that should never be close together at the same time: she who must be obeyed, her birthday, a handbag shop, and my credit card. It’s a perfect storm for financial ruin and one I have been able to avoid thus far.
But we were in Siam Paragon this week and I had forgotten all about the imminent event that is her birthday (although I do have a reminder on my phone for the actual day, so I can remember to wish her a happy birthday without being prompted).
As is our usual practice in shopping malls, we went our separate ways; she to look at whatever crap she likes to look at, and me to check on any important new technology and books.
Then an MMS arrives, with this from my wife:
A monstrous montage of Louis Vuitton garbage, what was she on about? Still, the penny did not drop. Then we met up.
“Hello darling” she purred.
Err, hello.
Can we take a quick look at the handbags in Louis Vuitton before we leave? After all, it is my birthday next week….. (sweet smile)
Shit. Bollocks. Balls. Trapped!
She popped off the toilet before what would be an extended choosing session in which I would try, and fail, to pour scorn on every suggested bag. What to do?
Next to the toilets sat an ATM machine. Liberation! I quickly took my credit card and stuck it into the machine. It asked for my pin number and I gave it my ATM card number. Fail. Did that two more times and the machine swallowed my card. Yes!! But I managed to change my expression from one of jubilation to frustration by the time my wife emerged from the toilet.
Just did the silliest thing?
What?
Stuck my credit card into the ATM machine instead of my ATM card and the machine has taken it. Will have to call up and cancel it, then order a replacement.
Oops.
Oops indeed, which means I can’t buy you that handbag I was so keen to get you for your birthday.
Oh.
Still, we went to look anyway, only to find that the shop had already shut for the day; so I had sacrificed my credit card for nothing.
Still, excellent strategic move by me under extreme pressure.
There is of course an alternative story, that I was just trying to get some cash out of the ATM machine, inserted my credit card by mistake, and then stupidly kept on keying in an obviously invalid code until I lost the card. But knowing me, which story would you believe?
Comments 🔗
2012-07-29| genuinej saysWhy don’t you pop along to a local market or a Beach Road stall and purchase some genuine fake Louis Vuitton garbage? Much lighter on your wallet, and it is the thought that counts.
2012-07-29| Jock saysI can sympathise. an ex ´requested´ a Jimmy Choo handbag for Xmas … 2300 euros later she had it !! I may have had a little too much to drinnk before that particular shopping trip me thinks :-(
2012-07-29| Spanky saysFor the real budget minded go to Soi Buakhao market. You can get the same “real” bags there for half of what Beach Rd places charge.
2012-07-29| Pete saysThat’s hilarious; sorry, but I’m going to have to believe the ultimate paragraph. Too many tentacles on that handbag anyway!
2012-07-29| Pete saysSurely for 2300 Euros you can get a return flight to Thailand, a week in a fairly decent hotel, various ‘willing’ companions to while the nights away AND a copy handbag that not many people will be able to tell from the real thing?
2012-07-29| Spike saysIt’s Jock; there will have been a massive amount of alcohol involved.
2012-07-29| Spike saysI’d much rather you’d proffered an opinion on the preantepenultimate paragraph.
2012-07-30| Pete saysMy opinion is that it is a work of fiction designed to demonstrate the tautological misuse of an adjective with a TLA. Twice.
Apparently there isn’t a word for something previous to preantepenultimate. Something needs to be done about that.
2012-07-30| Spike says“…demonstrate the tautological misuse of an adjective with a TLA. Twice.”
Fortunately for students everywhere, this blog is not intended as a masterclass in grammar.
Spelling mistakes and missing words, I have genuinej to keep me straight. Tautological misuse of adjectives? I don’t even understand what that means; so don’t bother.
2012-07-30| Grant saysA tautology is, apparently, ‘pointless repetition of same thing in different words’. Well, go for it Spike, ’taut’ up a storm! It’s your blog, and you are clearly very well aware that we old codgers need to have things carefully and slowly repeated to us or we just don’t get it, miss it completely, straight over our heads, gone in the wind. ‘Preantepenultimate" is just brilliant, I shall spend the rest of my diminishing life desperately trying to find a way of dropping it into a normal conversation…
2012-07-30| Pete saysYou’re not denying it was fiction I see. As for the tautology - it’s simply a redundant word; PIN (Personal Identification Number) number, ATM (Automated Teller Machine) machine, etc.
‘Twas just a joke ….
2012-07-30| Spike saysI did lose my credit card in the ATM (better?) and SWMBO was seeking a handbag at the same time. A linkage seemed made for a blog post.
2012-07-30| Pete saysAnd a good blog post it was too. See how many comments it’s generated! I’ll stand by my original description “hilarious”. It certainly had me giggling when I got to the paragraph after the penultimate one.
Will she be getting a handbag for her birthday?
2012-07-31| Jay saysAnd I assume she wont be reading your blog ???
2012-07-31| Spike saysOf course she reads my blog; especially if she is mentioned in a post.
2012-07-31| Spike saysInevitable.
2012-07-31| dean saysfinancial ruin? you are an amateur!
2012-07-31| Spike saysIndeed. I bow before your superior money consuming skills.
2012-07-31| Grant saysOuch!!