Being British, I have an inherited PhD in cynicism, a firm belief in the ability of my country to cock things up, a studied absence of patriotism, and I utter a small prayer of gratitude every morning that I no longer have to live in the country of my birth.
I can still remember the queasy feeling in my stomach when Britain won the right to host the next Olympics. The news was marked by Boris in a bus in Beijing, and it was more than a little crap, especially after the carefully crafted mega-show that only a country like China, with an unlimited budget and unlimited people, could manage. This was going to be a disaster.
And so I sat down this morning to watch the London opening ceremony with cynicism turned to maximum and a full pot of sneering ready to apply liberally when required. Bring it on.
And bring it on, Danny Boyle certainly did. He started with the stadium turned into the green fields of the UK. There were live animals and hundreds of people; all of whom somehow magically removed themselves and all their props to reveal a scene from the industrial revolution, complete with smoking chimneys and a steelworks that constructed a fiery ring which was then lifted aloft to join four other rings to complete the you-know-what. In the middle of that we had a period of reflection on the dead of two world wars, there was the suffragette movement and the Jarrow march.
Next there was a segment where the queen meets James Bond in Buckingham Palace. Must be an actress; no it was the actual real Liz who may have employed a stunt double when it came to skydiving out of a helicopter and showing her bloomers; but she gave permission for it to happen so she may not now be first against the wall come the revolution.
What can he do next? How about Mike Oldfield playing Tubular Bells while kids from Great Ormond Street Hospital are wheeled in by nursing staff and everyone starts dancing. Try shutting down the NHS now Mr. Cameron. Oh, and there were loads of characters from kids literature floating about ‘cos we are good at that too.
Then they announced Sir Simon Rattle conducting the London Symphony Orchestra playing Chariots of Fire. Bit of a yawn then; but no, this was just a prop for a Mr. Bean sketch. Rowan Atkinson hates Mr. Bean, we Brits prefer him in Blackadder; but to the rest of the world he is a symbol of British humour and I bet they were giggling in Peru.
Next we had a single simple house around which was hung a montage of fifty years of British film and (mainly music) including queen friendly favourites such as the Sex Pistols and Frankie’s Relax. Plenty of social media references and the house lifted at the end to reveal Tim Berners-Lee, father of the internet.
Finish off with Abide With Me and you had an hour plus of magic.
First of all, you have to admire the sheer technical achievement. Ten thousand volunteers, any one of whom could have cocked things up. All sorts of technical wizardry that could have gone wrong and made Britain the laughing stock we expected it to be. Then there was the production which wasn’t just a stage show but a filmed event going out live to the world; so every camera shot had to be perfect. Essentially it was a complex movie with thousands of amateur actors shot in one take. No pressure then.
But it was a lot more than that. To be British is to understand the lure of the green and pleasant lands that are there to be enjoyed when we can. Many of us have lived through the tail end of the industrial revolution and seen the country slowly transform into the multi-cultural place it is today, with all the challenges that brings, but also all the amazing music and art that comes from such an environment. And deep down we all love the fact that we don’t take ourselves seriously, we are self-deprecating and if we want our queen have a conversation with James Bond and then jump out of helicopter as part of a show being beamed around the world; then that is what we will bloody well do.
Danny Boyle perfectly captured what it is to be British and, though I tried hard to fight it, made us proud to be so, and the bastard had me choked up for the best part of an hour.
Still wouldn’t want to live there, and for fuck’s sake don’t roll out Paul McCartney again.
Comments 🔗
2012-07-28| Craig saysExtremely well written K. Spike
2012-07-28| genuinej saysPara 1….have to life? Thanks for the summary. I’m so glad I didn’t bother to watch it. There’s been Olympics overkill here for months, especially at the BBC, which has been following the pointless “torch” around the country since forever, pointlessly wasting licence fee payers’ money. It will be great when it’s all over. Roll on the day after the closing ceremony!
2012-07-28| david saysI was impressed, danny did a great job. It was even more impressive then then the shooting dart show in the sleazy Gogo bar next to Airport a Gogo…
2012-07-28| Spike saysThank you K. Craig; although I had to make a deliberate error in the first paragraph to keep genuinej happy.
2012-07-28| Spike saysThat’s saying something…
2012-07-28| Spike saysBet you watch the Women’s Beach Volleyball.
2012-07-28| Pete saysI must admit I’d forgotten all about it. I wish I’d seen it now based on that description; I’ll have to wait for the DVD.
Genuinej didn’t mention anything about the missing word in the second sentence of the antepenultimate paragraph, did he?
2012-07-28| genuinej saysNo chance. The wife won’t let me.
2012-07-29| genuinej saysI’m astonished that you have admitted to knowing that “that’s saying something.” Careful,!!, SWMBO might take the occasional peek at your scribings/scriblings/musings/witticisms/bullshit, and query your expertise in this specialist area of worldly happenings!
2012-07-29| Spike saysMy comments were purely based on things you told me during your last “golfing” holiday.
2012-07-29| Spike saysNaturally, I left in two deliberate mistakes, one for genuinej and one for the rest of you. Well done with “antepenultimate” by the way; “third last” would have been much more difficult to calculate..
2012-07-29| Grant saysYes ‘antepenultimate’ had me counting backwards too, well done Pete! Spike thanks for a superb exposition on the opening bash, if ever there is proof the British still have it, here it is totally wholesale. Room for a little bit of that self-deprecating pride I’d say, and no mistake!
2012-07-29| Grant saysAs they say, golf is just another four-letter word…
2012-07-29| Grant saysChange the wife, life’s too short, and it’s not a rehearsal…
2012-07-29| Grant saysWe don’t mind, pop in as many errors as you like, it’s your blog, fill your boots mate. Oh, by the way, ‘fucks’ in the ultimate sentence seems to be missing an apostrophe but who totally cares as long as Paul McCartney is a total no-show!!
2012-07-29| Spike saysBugger.
2012-07-29| Jock saysYep, I watched it and it was captivating. ´What Have You Done Today To Make You Feel Proud´ springs to mind. Thankfully I fell asleep halfway through the flag bearing ceremony so I missed Paul McCartney etc .. shame I missed the lighting of the Olympic Flame but have seem it since so no problem.
2012-07-29| Jock saysAnd now I´m watching the Olympics live on Sunday afternoon … dressage is on right now and it´s pouring rain … typical British Summer and the No 1 reason not to live there.
2012-07-30| Cheryl Parker saysAbsolutely hit the nail on the head Keith, brilliantly written!!!! (viv’s daughter btw)
2012-07-30| Spike saysWho’s Keith? Who’s Viv? Who’s Cheryl?
But thanks anyway.