Some time ago, I told you loads of things you didn’t want to know about my thyroid. If you can’t be arsed to follow the link, let me summarise: I am going to kill it.
Up until a week ago, I was keeping my raging thyroid in check with a daily pill. But then I stopped taking the pill and my thyroid has burst back into angry life.
Aha, I’m back and I’m going to fuck you up!
Please don’t.
Can’t help it, I’m crazy and I am going to go hyper all over your body. Just give me some iodine.
Sorry, can’t do that, doctor says no pills and no seafood for the next week or so.
(Suspiciously) Why?
Oh, nothing….
The reason that we are letting Mr. Thyroid go crazy for a couple of weeks, and also depriving him of the iodine he so desperately craves, is so I can then drink radioactive iodine which he will suck up like a dry sponge sucks up wet things. Result: one very very subdued thyroid; possibly dead.
But even without iodine, the little bugger has been interfering with my body over the past few days. Here is a list of the things that can happen when you have an over-active thyroid:
*Nervousness and irritability Palpitations and tachycardia Heat intolerance or increased sweating Tremor Weight loss or gain Increase in appetite Frequent bowel movements or diarrhea Lower leg swelling Sudden paralysis Shortness of breath with exertion Decreased menstrual flow Impaired fertility Sleep disturbances (including insomnia) Changes in vision Fatigue and muscle weakness Thyroid enlargement Pretibial myxedema *
I think I am having all of these, apart from the menstrual flow issue which seems to be unchanged, the impaired fertility which has not been an issue since a doctor snipped my bollocks many year ago, and the last one because I don’t know what it is.
Reported to my fellow assassin conspirator (my doctor) yesterday and he duly loaded me up with steroids and beta-blockers, which are meant to help me get through this. I have no idea what the combination of a rampant thyroid, steroids and beta-blockers are going to do to my system; but I am pretty sure I just saw a blue giraffe in the toilet. And I don’t mean in the bowl.
The plan, for which I am still awaiting confirmation, is that I will attend a secret radioactive location in Bangkok on Saturday and partake of a small sip of radioactive iodine. On Sunday they will scan my thyroid to check on uptake, and then, hopefully accompanied by a darkening of the lights and appropriate music, I will drink the drink of thyroid death. Serve the bastard right.
Will take six months before the final result is known. 70% chance that the thyroid is slightly buggered to the extent that it should then operate as it was intelligently designed by god (joke). If that doesn’t happen then it will either be still too active and I will have to take another drink, or the dose will have been too strong and it will be deader than that dog that I didn’t hit the other night even though it looked like it might have been me. In the death scenario, I will be stuck with taking hormone pills for life; but that’s better than managing the delinquent organ currently residing in my neck.
Getting old is such a laugh.
Comments 🔗
2012-03-06| Chris saysMy condolences, For the past 9 years I’ve lived with a non functioning thyroid. To be honest, once I had gotten the amount of thyroxine sorted, its been bearable and the good old NHS give it me for free. I hope all goes well, but remember there is a pill for most things.
2012-03-06| TheSon saysHow genetically inheritable is this?
2012-03-06| biggrtiggr saysI suffer from the full list of symptoms (monthly bleeding from the gums) but have never had an over-active anything. In fact everything in markedly under-active. Good luck with treatment…….. blow by blow account expected
2012-03-06| JAN saysYou seem pretty clued up on everything - good docs or internet searches ? good luck - kick its ass !!