Doesn't have a leg to stand on

If one had to evaluate Saeid Moradi’s performance as an international assassin; “could do better” would be verging on the kind.

Moradi and his chums had a nice little bomb factory going in a house in the suburbs of Bangkok; until one of the bombs exploded and removed the roof off the house. Moradi’s chums took off immediately and headed in a taxi to the airport (where one was promptly arrested and the other caught in Malaysia). But Moradi had been hurt in the blast so left a little later. He didn’t use the time to clean himself up however and his slightly bloody countenance was probably why taxis refused to stop for him.

Moradi, ignoring his training which no doubt emphasised that one should always keep a low profile and not do anything stupid, like for example throwing a bomb at a taxi, threw a bomb at a taxi.

Fortunately nobody was seriously hurt, although the taxi may need a bit of work, but the taxi driver was rightly pissed and , together with a policeman, chased after Moradi. Our masterspy was getting a little desperate at this point and decided to chuck his remaining bomb at his pursuers. What happened next is a little unclear. He either threw it and it bounced off a tree, or a truck; or maybe he just dropped it. Either way it ended up where it started, exploded, and removed his leg which was found in a nearby school (quick children, time for an anatomy lesson).

Off to hospital to have the other leg removed and Moradi is still in a coma, although doctors say he will survive. This is good news. Spending the rest of his life in a Thai jail with no legs is a reasonable reward for his behaviour.

Naturally the soundbites were quick to follow. Prime Minister Yingluck told us not to panic; which was a relief otherwise we would all have been running round the streets, waving our hands in the air and going “waa waa waa”. At least, that’s what I would do if I panicked. This was followed quickly by an announcement that this was not a terrorist attack as that would be bad for the tourist trade. An initial assessment that it was just an argument between the protagonists was so obviously stupid that it was later changed to being a criminal act. So that’s all right then.

The Israeli Defence Minister was quick to blame the event on the government of Iran, dubbing it “the world’s biggest exporter of terror”, conveniently neglecting to mention that his boys had recently been busy assassinating Iranian scientists. The Iranian government responded with “yeah, well you started it”. Actually, they didn’t, but I bet they thought it.

What nobody is talking about is how three foreigners managed to obtain a shitload of C4 explosive after only a few days in the city. A source, that cannot be named for security reasons (my neighbour Nik), informed me that this was just one of several bomb making factories in Thailand, where explosives are obtained from corrupt army sources, packaged into handy sized bombs and exported for use elsewhere. Sounds as plausible as Moron Moradi being entrusted with an assassination mission by the Iranian government.

Comments 🔗

2012-02-15 | genuinej says

“Hoist by his own petard”!, you could say. How wonderful.

2012-02-15 | Spike says

I might say that; but then you would correct it to “hoisted”.

2012-02-15 | Jamie says

It’s just a flesh wound … Silence! I kill you! It’s Achmed the Dead Terrorist …

2012-02-15 | Pete says

No he wouldn’t, because then you could quote Hamlet back at him!

2012-02-15 | Pete says

And for those that don’t know this excellent bit of comedy by Jeff Dunham -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

2012-02-15 | Grant says

Well, Moradi sure is now the right size to understudy for Achmed if he gets the flu… Don’t be to hard on him Spike, he still managed to stop the taxi! If you’ve ever tried to get one on Soi Asoke at shift-change time you’ll realise now that a small grenade is probably the answer…

2012-02-16 | Spike says

Hamlet, Shamlet. That Shakespeare guy sucked at grammar. “Who would thou serve?” (King Lear). Genuinej would be all over that.

2012-02-16 | PsA_Batman says

I heard he dropped the bomb as he took an arrow to the knee

2012-02-16 | PsA_Batman says

I heard he dropped the bomb as he took an arrow to the knee…

2012-02-16 | biggrtiggr says

What’s brown and hairy and overtakes all the traffic on Suk??

2012-02-17 | Kim Jong Un says

Iran cannot compete with Israeli assassinations teams, who in Dubai used British and German passports and posed as tourists.

2012-02-17 | Grant says

Of course Iran can’t compete, they’ve got to stop scoring own goals for a start…