So I had just finished a product photo shoot and was loading the shots to my computer for an appraisal when…. blackness. The computer light was still on but the monitors were blank. Oh dear.
I have been having problems with one of the five hard drives in my machine refusing to connect. Perhaps nearing the end of its life, and maybe it was causing the problem. So I took it out and re-booted. Success! For about five minutes and then it happened again. It did seem a little hot inside, so I turned it off and let it cool down and tried again. Ten minutes and then death, and this time I finally worked out that the graphics card was red hot, and that was because the fan in the card wasn’t moving. Tapped the fan and away it went and it seemed to be OK. Checking the web and it appears it is a common problem with this ATI card and it will probably eventually fail. Oh, and the hard drive is still not happy.
If that wasn’t enough hassle for one day, HSBC let me down again. I have spent the last three weeks fighting with them over an investment that I wished to cash in; given that Europe is shortly going to implode, followed by America, followed by a complete collapse of the world banking system. I want hard cash and I want shiny gold.
The three week fight is worthy of a separate post, but the latest issue was a desire to transfer a large sum of money from one country to another. The internet banking system would not let me do it. I had exceeded the limit for a transfer apparently, but the system would not tell me what my limit was or how I could overcome it.
So I send a message to my “adviser” in Hong Kong who is complete wanker and his response is true to form: “I will be away until the 16th January”, having just been away for weeks over Xmas. I had already sent a message to the bank in Jersey which they had helpfully ignored; so as a last resort I called the Jersey Help Desk.
Hi, I’m John and I’m here to help you!
I sincerely doubt it.
Pardon?
I sincerely hope so.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
So we do all that and it turns out I can only transfer two pounds via internet banking (I overstate slightly). But not a problem, because I can ask for the transfer over the phone.
You can ask for the transfer over the phone.
Let’s do that then.
Do you have a pin number?
No.
No problem, we can get you a pin number over the phone.
Let’s do that then.
But we can’t because one of your accounts is inactive and we have to get the back office to make it active first.
Let’s do that then.
Well I have to transfer you to the back office and then they will transfer you back to me. Hang on.
There is a load of hissing and banking and then a voice comes over the line.
Hello, this is Cindy. I am here to re-activate your account.
Let’s do that then.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
So we do that and then Cindy does something which I have no involvement in; but then my account is re-activated.
I will transfer you back to John now.
OK.
pause
Sorry, I can’t reach John (probably because he has fucked off for his lunch, although she doesn’t say that).
So now what.
Please call this eighty five digit phone number and ask for John.
I swear a little and then make the call.
Hello, this is Alfred.
Can I speak to John please.
I’m sorry John isn’t here (probably because he has fucked off for his lunch, although he doesn’t say that). But I can help you.
OK.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
So we do that and then I am able to set up a pin number. Then I can call another number and finally, finally, ask for the transfer. I call the number and it asks for my bank code and my pin which I provide.
Welcome to HSBC, all our operatives are busy right now (probably because they have fucked off for their lunch, although it doesn’t say that).
What it does say is that everyone is busy, several time, before finally I hear a voice.
Hello, this is Warren, how can I help you.
I want to make a transfer.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
And we are just on the last question which requires I provide some information from my on-line banking which is sat on my screen when… poof, the screen goes dead thanks to the wanky ATI graphics card.
Warren?
Yes Mr Spike?
I am going to have to call you back. Please have the questions ready.
I went for a Guinness, the transfer can wait till tomorrow.
Comments 🔗
2012-01-10| Barry saysI would be VERY bad company for the rest of the day if that happened to me, and I would retire to bed. I’ve been through similar experiences. Everyone has. You are not alone. Does that make you feel better?
2012-01-13| Grant saysObviously not…
2012-01-13| Spike saysTwenty five years of living in Asia and this sort of thing is pretty much like pouring water onto the back of a duck.
2012-01-20| Jock saysSpike, That got me laughing … once you´ve got your shitload of dosh transferred are you buying physical gold or junior gold miners? You´ll be please to know that I am no longer a gambler - I am now an investor … in junior gold miners … particularly the penny shares … I won´t tell you which ones coz you will just end up losing all your money like wot I´m about to do … however if that 100 bagger ever comes up I will be looking for a Penthouse apartment in Jomtiem just like the one that you got.