One of the questions I am asked most often is “How do you amuse yourself whilst sitting on the toilet?” The other frequently asked question is “Why do you invent questions that nobody has ever asked you?”.
The answer to the first question used to be “Angry Birds”; but now it is W.E.L.D.E.R.; to be known in future as Welder because it is a bugger to type all those full stops in the right place.
As we all don’t know, W.E.L.D.E.R. (damn, I had to do it again) stands for Word Examination Laboratory for Dynamic Extraction and Reassessment. Which means nothing. But it’s an excuse for the game to make machinery type noises which you soon turn off as you spend your time forming (sorry, welding) words.
But if you forget the stupid title and the sounds, Welder is a time-consuming slice of genius.
You start with a Scrabble style board and move letters around to form words. The first few levels are easier enough, but the word count required gets higher and the moves available become shorter, and new types of tile are introduced. Red tiles can’t be moved by you, but will fall if you clear words underneath them. Brown, broken tiles (also known as “complete bastard tiles” by aficionados) cannot be moved at all, and words formed beneath them result in useless spaces, like this:
As the red tiles and complete bastard tiles increase, so does the incidence of the more challenging letters of the alphabet. If anyone knows a word containing three J’s and two Z’s, please let me know.
The secret to progression is to use the gold multiplier tiles in combination to achieve high word score and loads of extra moves. It can take a while to set one of these up, and my efforts are frequently thwarted when I unwittingly make a word I have never heard of. If I ever go to Angola, I look forward to throwing some “lwei” coins down the drain, that word being the latest to screw up my nearly masterpiece.
The game used to have twelve levels and I finished them all a few times. The latest version has fifteen and I am yet to complete them all. Currently on my second try and about to start level 11.
There is now a word check so you can see whether a word will be accepted (it has a strange concept of proper nouns), and you can look up all the weird words that you make by mistake in an online dictionary.
Welder is addictive fun and good for the brain. Available for iPhone and iPad, although you will press the wrong letter on the iPhone occasionally, especially if you are driving at the time.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a poo and an attack on level 11.
Comments 🔗
2012-01-02| Pete saysI should be very wary of any word game that thinks the word “Assessement” starts with an R. Just sayin’ …
2012-01-02| Pete saysYou’re going to do one of those sneaky ‘retro-edits’ now and make me look like a cnut, aren’t you?
2012-01-02| Spike saysNo.
2012-01-02| Wally saysCome back levitating horses, all is forgiven.
2012-01-02| Pete saysWow - that was fast!!
2012-01-02| Spike saysI have no idea what you are on about…
2012-01-02| Spike saysBe careful what you wish for; I’ve just spent 3 days processing 2,000 horsey photos and would be more than happy to share some.
2012-01-02| Grant saysWondered where you’d been for two days, it’s a bloody long time to spend on the dunny if you haven’t got the trots…
2012-01-02| genuinej saysPete, an e too many in assessment. I’m surprised at you.
2012-01-03| Pete saysI was only copying the original, I think - which surprisingly has been changed again as the first sneaky post-edit (which didn’t happen at all, apparently) had a small ‘r’.
Might have been my mistake though - I can’t remember!
2012-01-04| Spike saysRead this today genuinej, and thought of you: Knock Knock “Whose their?” “The Grammar Police.” “Oh bollocks.”
2012-01-04| genuinej saysWhose their? Or is that the point?
2012-01-04| Pete saysI think that was the point. Clever though.
I’ll put my hands up and admit to the stray ’e’. I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I promise it won’t happen againe.