My mother-in-law screws things up

She who must be obeyed has been under a lot of pressure. A new job to master, living alone in Bangkok for three weeks, a threat of floods, missing her home, her cats, and perhaps me. It all came to a head yesterday when she had to close down her assignment in Bangkok, rush straight from work to a wedding, rush straight from the wedding back to her apartment and pack, and then travel back to Pattaya. It is therefore more than understandable that she forgot that today is my birthday.

I awoke this morning to no greetings and hugged myself with glee. In the eternal war that is the battle of the sexes, there is no better points scorer than missing a birthday or anniversary. If I could carry this off I would amass so many bonus points I could get pissed and urinate in her clothes cupboard and still come out on top.

“You’ve peed all over my best clothes!” “Ah yes, but you forgot my birthday three years ago! I win! In fact I still have enough points remaining that I can projectile vomit over your shoes.”

I planned to say nothing and leave it for a while, maybe January, when I would just make a passing remark to lodge my claim for seven million points.

I reckoned without my mother-in-law. Mid-morning she rang my wife and there was a short conversation. She who must be obeyed looked a little startled.

“My mother would like to wish you a very happy birthday. (Pause). And so would I.”

Damn, bonus already crashed to one million points and any lead I might have had was further reduced when she nipped out and bought me a very nice present this afternoon.

Still, I reckon I am still far enough ahead to forget our next anniversary; but emptying my bladder in the general direction of her clothes collection will probably have to remain a distant dream.

Comments 🔗

2011-10-30 | sabot says

Well, happy birthday!

2011-10-30 | Jeff Savage says

its ur last one cunt

2011-10-30 | Spike says

Thanks.

2011-10-30 | Spike says

Statistically, you may be right.

2011-10-30 | genuinej says

Just a thought, but have you upset johnsmithba(twat) somewhere along the way? Happy birthday anyway. Will bring presents mid November, floods permitting.

2011-10-30 | Spike says

No idea who he is, but he does seem unhappy. Thanks for the wishes and hope to see you in November. Flood free down here.

2011-10-30 | Pete says

I think Mr. Smith’s avatar is about right - he looks like a miserable twat.

2011-10-31 | Jeff Savage says

miserable not me pete just happy 2 b in the land of smiles where u can always find there r expats sad as ever especially cunts who write into blogs slagging other people off 4 doing fuck all. surely u dont believe all u c on you tube pete and read on the web. anyway actions speak louder than words and beating the crap out of someone who slagged me off will make me even happier. hows the iq pete.