My recent successful visit to a dentist convinced me that I might have to courage to return for a teeth-cleaning procedure, something that had had me squirming in agony when I last tried it, about nine years ago in Bangkok.
And so it was I found myself back in Doctor Bee’s torture chair again a couple of days ago. It took her an hour and she did a lot of singing, but it didn’t hurt at all and I felt very pleased with myself once she had finished. So pleased in fact that I decided to stay there another hour and have my teeth whitened.
This is also a painless procedure, if a little uncomfortable. First they fit your mouth around a protector that stops your gums being fried, then they stick something over your tongue to protect it, and finally yours teeth are coated with a gel. Then you have to lie still for twenty minutes or so while a magic blue light shines on the gel and somehow all the shit ingrained in your teeth is removed. Then the process is repeated a second time; after which my neck was very stiff and I was very glad it was finished. But it was worth it when I looked in the mirror and saw a set of shining white teeth.
That’s me set for a few years I thought. “See you back in a year to do it again” said Doctor Bee. What? I assumed this would last for years. “Not when you are older, your teeth are more porous and you will need more regular treatment. Oh, and no staining food or drinks like coffee or tea for 4-5 weeks.” WHAT?
Short term, it was even more restrictive. For the first couple of days I am only allowed to eat food which is white or non-staining. Doctor Bee didn’t tell me that, I discovered it while browsing the web and eating a mango; which is why my pearly whites are already slightly tinged with orange. Since then I have had chicken with non-staining salad, for three consecutive meals and I already sick of chicken. I have had no coffee since Thursday and I am suffering extreme caffeine withdrawal. I am off down to Boots to see if they sell caffeine patches.
The only bright spot (apart from my orange-tinted teeth) is that both gin and tonic are on the list of permissible consumables in the forty eight hour high risk period. Need something to take my mind off all that bloody chicken.
Comments 🔗
2011-10-23| Barry saysInteresting to read what whitening involves. The locals do it with skin, and you’ve caught the bug with your knashers. Might I suggest that for us more mature chaps our fear of the dentist chair is the result of what it used to be like way back when we woz kids. It bloody hurt then. But these days it really is pretty much painless, as you discovered. Especially when you have a Singing Dentist (as long as she doesn’t burst into a medley of Englebert Humperstick or Des O’Connor). Between then (kid) and now (mature) I had a dentist who numbed one side of my mouth and drilled on the other. He’d just come back from lunch, in a pub no doubt. At least he didn’t sing. I had a nurse once in Melbourne who held my hand while her boss removed a broken (discoloured) tooth. That was nice.
2011-10-23| PsA_Batman saysCoffee fix without touching teeth - cold coffee through a straw. Helps avoid the caffeine withdrawal. Or perhaps this is the time to test the market for caffeine suppositories?
2011-10-26| Spike saysI went with the straw option. My suppository quotient is already taken.