She who must be obeyed has many ideas for activities to fill in our days. Most are impractical, some are illegal, and one or two contravene the Geneva convention. I have long since learned that the best way of dealing with her stream of consciousness is to say “yes” to everything, safe in the knowledge that none will make it past the concept stage.
But one idea kept recycling, a family gathering. This meant her family, and me, at a place and time yet to be defined. Finally, the event was announced as being this last weekend, in Chiang Mai. Father and mother, sister, brother, brother’s wife and son; and us.
Getting us all to Chiang Mai at approximately the same time required many phone calls and changes of transport; but at around 1300 on Friday we were all at Chiang Mai airport, with father’s SUV parked outside as transport for the weekend. Great, now I could relax and enjoy myself and maybe take some photos. But then I was nominated as driver…
She who must be obeyed’s father is something fairly senior in the army and is therefore entitled to his own gun. I can still recall him showing it to me, together with a collection of bullets. before I hastily agreed to marry his daughter.
Not only does he have a gun, he also has a brand new car which is his pride and joy. His army driver is not allowed to drive it, my mother-in-law is not allowed to drive it, nobody is allowed to drive it apart from him. But here we were in Chiang Mai airport and he was handing me the keys with one hand while the other hand rested on a bulge next to his belt. And he was giving me that “one scratch and I’ll blow your head off, punk” look.
Apparently I was to drive because I was the only one who knew his way around Chiang Mai. And it is true that I did, except not enough to stop me ripping off the mud flaps on a hire car last time we were there. This was going to be stressful. And it was.
The zipping around the countryside wasn’t too bad. The windy road up to Doi Suthep was a bit of a chore, but easier for me than the brother and his family who were crammed in the luggage area in the back and were ricocheting from side to side as I drove as fast as I dared round the curves. But parking at the hotel was a nightmare. The car had to be positioned right next to the wall to keep it off the road. I was constantly a couple of centimetres away from disaster. Worst of all was parking in the dark on Saturday night with the rain pissing down. I could see little and had to rely on she who must be obeyed’s shouted instructions, while father stood a metre or so away; just watching, hand on bulge with itchy trigger finger at the ready. Or so I imagined.
It was with immense relief that I handed back the keys on Sunday. “Well driven” he said. “Thank you, you’re welcome, I love you, please don’t kill me” I mumbled in return.
She who must be obeyed considered the weekend to have been a huge success and I have been awarded infinite husband brownie points for my participation. For my part, I arrived home and slept for twelve hours and dreamed of wrecking cars.
Comments 🔗
2011-08-17| Billy the Brush saysGiven your predisposition for prangs, and the General’s predisposition for shooting people, I have nothing but admiration for your decision to accept the keys ….
2011-08-17| Wally saysThat damned elusive ‘o’ is missing again. Betcha can’t find where it’s missing from this time ! I have problems with bought and brought. Yours is clearly ’to’ and ’too’, and no it’s not fore !
2011-08-17| Spike saysI found an ‘o’ where there shouldn’t have been one, but not a missing ‘o’.
In my defense, I was tired and emotional when I wrote it.
2011-08-17| Spike saysI like admiration, please send more.
2011-08-17| Wally sayskwote ‘The zipping around the countryside wasn’t to bad.’ That ’to’ should have been writted as ’too’.
2011-08-17| Spike saysMy ‘o’ are completely fucked for some reason. I think I will stop writing.
2011-08-17| Wally saysOh - you appear to be going through an ODD period (O Deficit Disorder) By the way - where was Alfred when all these flower pics were taken - what have you done with him ?
2011-08-18| genuinej saysPlease don’t stop writing (or snapping), lose too much sleep, get too despondent or too worried about your fucked ‘o’. You’re so much better than the hopeless Stanley, though he does claim to be sydlexick.
2011-08-19| Spike saysAlfred?
2011-08-19| Spike saysYu are very kind; but it’s to late. My cnfidence is shattered.
2011-08-19| Wally says“Yes, that bee is called Alfred, he has been with me a while”. (your quote!) Taken from ‘Fuji X100 macro’ only last month.
2011-08-19| Spike saysOh, THAT Alfred…
Stood on him I’m afraid; don’t like to talk about it.