One hundred baht is a reasonable price for a haircut. Normally I pay one hundred baht less than that because she who must be obeyed wields the scissors and, with only the occasional mistake and limited blood loss, does a reasonable job on my scruffy head. But when she decides I am to get a professional cut, one hundred baht might just cover the tip. The problem is that she drags me to a salon in Central plaza, and it doesn’t get any more expensive than that.
Me and the salon have opposing objectives. My objective is to get the hell out of the place as soon as possible, their objective is to spin out the process to try and justify their ridiculous prices.
It starts with a hair wash. I object to this on principle. My hair may be many awful things, but it is always clean. Head and Shoulders every morning should see me through the day, but that’s not good enough for a fancy salon. I am laid out on a slab and a sadist soaks my hair and fills my ears with assorted lotions. Whilst doing this, she massages my scalp. This is mildly pleasant for two minutes, and downright annoying after ten. I am bored, please stop.
Eventually she does and I have to walk to the cutting chair wearing a turban towel. I assume this is not a good look although I can’t bring myself to check. My stylist arrives. If he was called “barber” rather than “stylist” he would be a quarter of the price; but there are no barbers in this place. He is festooned with assorted bangles and his hair mimics a yellow wave crashing on a distant shore. This is not a look I wish to adopt. However, I have no idea what look I am about to receive because she who must be obeyed has given the instructions.
I therefore shut my eyes, think about things nothing to do with hair, and let him get on with it. He takes a while. At times it seems he is attending to a single strand of hair and I wonder if we will be done before Christmas. Eventually he can find no more time to waste on my scalp and diverts his attention to other areas.
When she who must be obeyed prunes my face, the coverage extends beyond my beard to my eyebrows, nasal hair and ear hair. The last is particularly fun; the pleasant feeling of having the hairs clipped, mixed with the naked fear that a small slip could result in a punctured eardrum and partial deafness. But this pleasure is not the same when a man I don’t know with a wave on his head does the same job. I am bored and distressed, please stop.
At last he is done and my hair looks the same as it did, only shorter. Result. I then proceed to the cashier and hand over a substantial proportion of my pension.
Sadly, the pain is not over. She who must be obeyed decides her hair needs attention and it is another two hours before she emerges; and that’s the rest of my pension for the month gone.
Sometimes I wish I was bald.
Comments 🔗
2011-07-20| MeMock says100 baht! Wow that is pricey! You might like my 40 baht hair cut story that I had in deepest darkest Issan a few years ago.http://memock.wordpress.com/2009/01/26/short-back-and-sides/
2011-07-20| Pete saysAnother music reference; ICWUDT
2011-07-20| Spike saysInflation must have been steep since 2009…
2011-07-20| Spike saysSo was yesterday.
2011-07-20| Pete saysMissed that one. Must admit I had to look it up on that googly thing. There seems to be some discussion as to whether it was by Tom Waits or Bob Seger; can’t say I know much about either.
2011-07-21| Barry saysI think you need to take control of your life. I decide where and how to have my haircut. Been using the same chap for years, and when he moved shop I did too. 200 baht at Central Bang Na. not cheap but I like the way he does it. And he doesn’t have yellow hair.
2011-07-21| Spike saysI think you need to understand that I overstate the dominant role of she who must be obeyed.
2011-07-21| Spike saysTom Waits sounds like a drunk whose has swallowed a kilo of nails. An acquired taste; but he did write the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZhW76LAnTY
2011-07-21| MeMock saysI think Barry needs to understand the authors sense of humour a little better. I must admit, it takes a big man to decide when and where to have a hair cut. Well done Barry!
2011-07-22| Barry saysI think you need to understand my sense of humour a little better. Don’t need sarcasm, if that is what it is.