A letter from an old friend

Back in the day, Shell sent me to work in The Hague. The job involved convincing operating companies to implement the business system of choice, and there were three people assigned to the task. One was the boss and he focused on procrastination and coffee drinking from the safety of his office, while the other two (one of whom was me) spent too much of their time on aircraft (in the days before air miles), visiting reluctant customers in locations offering varying degrees of shitiness (Nigeria was not a popular choice, Oman was).

My partner in crime was called James Smith and he was new to Shell. Whereas I had spent thirteen years with the company, working up from “assistant invoice clerk” to “person sufficiently trusted to be sent to Nigeria without triggering a civil war”; this guy had been hired at the same level of seniority as me; bet he had no idea how to process an invoice. Even worse, here we were flogging computer systems to assorted dead horses, and he had an oft-stated abhorrence of anything to do with a computer.

This was going to be a disaster, except that it wasn’t. The reason being that Mr. Smith had the brain the size of a planet. We would arrive at operating companies and the first job would be to present our proposals to the management team. My offering, a few scruffy viewgraphs and a sense that this would be a fun project for our customers, and think of all the coding; was somewhat overshadowed by Mr. Smith’s eloquent overview of their business and how it could improve at the strategic level. Intellectually, I was operating a crop duster at 50 feet above the ground, and James was occupying the space station, with reserve capacity to fly to Mars should the need arise.

This much brainpower could foster a degree of arrogance, but James rounded off his package of skills by being a thoroughly nice chap with a fine sense of humour; and we soon developed a working relationship whereby he did the clever talking stuff, and I came afterwards and handled the details which he had no interest in. He didn’t look down on me (at least not in public), and I tried not to look up at him in doe-eyed admiration when he was doing his thing.

Then I left The Hague and headed for Malaysia, convinced that the dinosaur that was Shell’s HR organisation would not spot the potential in James and he would leave for better prospects. I was wrong, and he is now the Chairman of Shell in the UK. When he was promoted to his current position, I sent him a congratulatory email, having not communicated with him for many years. It’s a measure of the man that he bothered to send me a chatty reply and asked about The Son, remembering his name and stories about him from The Hague days. And this week he wrote to me again.

Actually, it was a letter I had to share with a few other people because it was addressed to all the old farts in the Shell pension fund. This letter comes every year and it is of importance because it announces the pathetic increase to my pension. But first we have to suffer other stuff that we don’t really care about.

First, as always, was Health and Safety where there is the usual wringing of hands about the inevitable deaths during the year and a commitment to do better. All very commendable, but not much I can do about since I no longer work for them. More interesting was the profit of $18 billion, surely they could hand out a chunk of that to the pensioners as a gesture of gratitude for working all those years without being killed and thus ruining the H&S statistics? Then more blah blah blah about volunteering and something at the Science Museum before we finally get to the bit about the pension increase; a derisory 4.8%.

I look for a personal P.S. at the bottom from James, telling me I am to receive a personal bonus of a million dollars because I am such a nice chap; but there is nothing. He doesn’t even add a footnote enquiring after The Son. Some friendships are so easily forgotten.

Comments 🔗

2011-04-06 | Camberley says

Fond memories

2011-04-06 | genuinej says

Is he as happy and content as you though?

2011-04-06 | Barry says

Amazing. You wrote 726 words just to let us know that you know the Chairman of Shell UK, and made it immensely enjoyable. Writing skills the size of a planet. If he was the Chairman of BP I bet you’d have kept quiet!

2011-04-07 | Spike says

Yes, but I preferred Sarawak

2011-04-07 | Spike says

Dunno; but I am bloody miserable so maybe he is.

2011-04-07 | Spike says

You counted them? Actually it was meant to be about the letter; but thought I could add some back-story. Glad you enjoyed it. Next week I will write about my close personal friend, the Chairman of BP.

2011-04-09 | Billy the Brush says

1. I can only assume you actually mean the former CEO of BP, Mr Browne
2. Indeed, super guy in every sense, it has long been a source of mystery to me how he got to where he is .. complete HR fuck up one imagines, probably someone picked up the wrong file in error ..
3. Got the same letter of course, what was different was my reaction; I thought 4.8 percent rather a decent increase given the general carnage in the UK and the rest of Western Europe and the US for that matter. I was ever content with my lot.