A recent inventory check revealed that I am now the partially proud owner of fourteen camera lenses; about twelve more than I need. Significantly responsible for the staggering rate of acquisition over the past year has been neighbour Nik. Barely a day passes without a call enquiring whether I have seen a Wibble Splunge 100mm F1.2 (or similar) on eBay. He tells me it looks like a bargain and too often I have believed him.
Still, I have stopped now, partly because I realise I have bought too many lenses, but mainly because the storage cabinet is full. But Nik continues to trawl eBay to acquire the optical equivalent of a beach road hooker. Once he’s got it home he wonders if it was really a good idea, especially as it is covered in fungus.
I like to think I am a calming influence and try and advise him that the latest target of his potential affections is too heavy, won’t fit on his camera, and is unlikely to be sent from Croatia if he pays for it. But he continues in his quest and yesterday it seemed like he was onto something.
Are you at your computer?
No.
There’s an amazing lens for sale.
Go on (using voice of weary trepidation).
It’s a brand new Canon 24-105 and the highest bid is six quid.
My God! (using voice of incredulity). They cost 40,000 baht in the shops!
I know, I know!! And the bid is just ending, hang on…. It’s mine! For six pounds!
Congratulations (using voice of “there must be a catch”).
So I have a Canon 24-105mm L USM lens coffee mug for six pounds; not sure what the “coffee mug” bit means though.
Nik, it means you have just bought a coffee mug in the shape of a lens (using voice of hysterical mocking laughter).
There is a long pause, the sort of pause where embarrassment oozes out of the phone instead of sound, and then a single “…oh….”.
Never mind, this morning he is back in high spirits and announces he has found an endoscope on eBay, “in case we want to take pictures inside of our nearest and dearest”. I suggest it could be a useful aid for picking up women, especially beach road hookers where careful inspection is advised. I think he has bought it.
Comments 🔗
2011-03-19| Barry says" But Nik continues to trawl eBay to acquire the optical equivalent of a beach road hooker. Once he’s got it home he wonders if it was really a good idea, especially as it is covered in fungus."
Sometimes, you have a wonderful way with words. and this is one of those sometimes. Classic.
2011-03-20| MeMock saysI took every bit of my face muscles (the only ones I have) to control the coffee in my mouth not to be spurted all over my keyboard when reading that. A mug indeed!