When I am out and about with my camera I tend to avoid contact with other photographers. My naturally grumpy appearance tends to discourage advances from others, and why would I want to initiate a conversation with someone when all we apparently have in common is a camera (the obvious answer would include the word ‘breasts’, but she who must be obeyed would not approve).
But if someone is going to try and talk to me, there could not be a worse time than when I am trying to focus my camera on an arse-crack.
We were at Mini Siam, an outing that requires an explanation. I visited the place a couple of years ago, and my conclusion was that it was crap.
So why go back? It’s my wife’s fault (it usually is, even when it isn’t). You may recall her new craze for photographing dolls in a variety of locations. Well, she disappeared one evening and came back after many hours at Mini Siam. This is one of her shots:
Enthused, she decided she wanted to return during daylight and, sadly, she thought it would be a good idea if I accompanied her. This trip was to feature the photographing of a repulsive Barbie doll at assorted unconvincing locations. There was a very real danger that I might be roped in to hold the bloody thing while she shot it; so I wandered off to find something else to photograph. Of course, there was nothing of interest, but the sun was setting and the light was lovely and I chanced upon what was probably a terrible copy of Michelangelo’s David. Unfortunately the sun was behind the statue, so I went round the back and the colours were indeed pleasant.
A strange subject, a rear view of David, but I was bored so lifted the camera and manually focused on David’s arse-crack. I was just thinking “just as well nobody is around to see me pointing my camera at the rear-end of a statue”, when a voice enquired “what are you photographing?”
Oh shit. I took my eye away from David’s arse to discover a young Japanese man stood next to me with an inquisitive look on his face. How to answer?
Just knocking off a shot of a stone bum.
Did you know that an arse-crack is excellent for focusing?
This may look a little gay, but it isn’t.
Fuck off and find your own arse to shoot.
Instead I bumbled something about the lovely light and photographing everything and wasn’t Mini Siam shit and and……
Convinced I was insane, the Japanese man wandered off, perhaps indeed to find his own arse to shoot. And I was left with this:
Regretfully, I think the arse-crack is slightly out of focus.
Comments 🔗
2010-12-28| LayDown In Pattaya saysI will take the babydoll shot anyday of the week before any arse-crack.
2010-12-28| Spike saysAre you sure? What about Thursdays?
2010-12-29| Barry saysYou might have looked even more suspicious if you had been photographing his goolies.
Mind you, the chap was Japanese, and we all know the kind of things they get up to back home…..