Being of the male gender, naturally I suffer during illness more than a female would; it’s just one of the burdens of being a man. And I feel the need to share my suffering by frequent low moaning, the occasional forced cough and with an expression of pain written across my classically rugged features at all times; the objective of course being sympathy.
And I have been moaning, coughing and grimacing my way into sympathy over the last week, fuelled by a persistent and unpleasant combination of sore throat, headache and fever. Just nasty enough to stop me doing the things I want to do; and refusing to morph into something else and then disappear.
She who must be obeyed has been her usual solicitous self; touching my fevered brow, offering soothing words, and generally recognising that nobody has suffered before quite as badly as I am now; which is of course precisely the attention I need.
I have also been provided with long-distance succor from my mother-in-law. Awakening from a little doze, I discovered my wife in the kitchen with a dead chicken in one hand and a large knife in the other. My initial impression was that she was embarking upon a voodoo ritual; but it turned out that, while I was asleep, her mother had called. Learning of my illness, she had given immediate instructions to her daughter on how to prepare a healing broth; the prime ingredient of which was a female chicken (they are better for you apparently). She who must be obeyed had popped out to the market and acquired a cock-less chicken and proceeded to prepare a carrot, potato and chicken concoction, interspersed with regular calls from her mother, presumably checking that she was obeying instructions. And indeed it was very tasty.
So I am rather enjoying the wifely concern, but I draw the line at the concern extending to stopping me from enjoying the simple pleasures of life while my body is wracked with pain. Chocolate for example. I had secreted a rather tasty bar of dark chocolate in the refrigerator and was just about to cheer myself with a chunk, when the dark hand of displeasure descended upon me.
Stop!
What?
You can’t eat chocolate!
Why not, it’s good for me (this was based on the fact that it tasted good).
Chocolate is bad for your throat.
Rubbish!
I’d soon prove her wrong. Off to Mr. Google where we typed in the chocolate affirming statement “chocolate is good for a sore throat”. Number one on the list is sore throat care dotcom and we go there to find just how good chocolate can be in a sore throat environment.
Fuck. Turns out that chocolate is the third worst thing you can sling down your throat. Even worse, number one on the list, is coffee; followed closely by tea and with alcohol not far behind. This totally scuppered my cure regime which included a nice coffee after breakfast, several cups of Earl Grey tea during the day, the occasional chocolate treat; and a Cointreau or three to sooth the throat before bed.
Armed with this new information, the management have now limited me to warm water. Last time I check Google when she is watching.
So now you know. More female chicken and less chocolate. It’s a hard world.
Comments 🔗
2010-09-13| Billy saysChicken soup, though with lentils invariably, is also known as Jewish Penicillin so it must be true ..
http://homecooking.about.com/od/specificdishe1/a/chicksoupjewish.htm
2010-09-13| genuinej says“female chickens”! Aka hens!!
2010-09-14| Pete saysSo much sympathy from 2 of your regular readers. Who’d a thunk it eh? Get better soon - the chicken soup should help.
2010-09-14| Spike saysThanks Pete. Come the day I make the entry “The dotcor has given me six months to live”, genuinej will be straight on the case to point out my typo. Warms my heart.
2010-09-15| Bangkok Review saysHey, found your site by accident doing a search on Google but I?ll definitely be coming back. ? How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
2010-09-16| Pete saysHow can anyone believe in God when people are still using typewriters?. I’m sure He invented word processors last century sometime.