Last week, she who must be obeyed switched on her solemn expression and said: “there is something I want to discuss with you”.
This has happened before, in fact it is a regular occurrence. The subject matter is invariably something intended to improve our lives; but it also is invariably something I can’t be arsed to do anything about.
A recent example was “I think we should go out on our bikes and exercise every day”. The appropriate response to this would be: “The bikes are in the basement covered in dust and with flat tyres. I would have to drag them up to the condo to clean them and apply oil to the chains (and my T-shirt and, inevitably, the cats), then we would go for a cycle and be attacked by soi dogs and get hot and sweaty and decide never to do it again”. But then she would accuse me of being negative and not being receptive to her suggestions, so I have learned that, in these circumstances, it is best to agree vigourously and suggest we start “tomorrow”. And as James Bond would tell you, tomorrow never comes.
This tactic has never failed me, although I suspect that deep down she harbours a sense of disappointment at my obvious disinterest in getting fit, saving money, improving the condo or becoming in the slightest spiritual; instead stoically defending my company pension-given right to waste away my remaining days by mucking about on the computer and doing fuck all.
But this latest request was different in as much as there actually appeared to be some benefit in it for me, and required me to do less than I would normally have to do. “I suggest that we stop buying each other birthday presents. It’s pointless and a waste of money”.
I agreed vigourously and suggested we start immediately, given that her birthday was only days away. This agreement was a load off my mind because I have absolutely no idea what to get my wife for her birthday.
She likes cosmetics, but if I was to choose something bearing a sticker proclaiming “London, Paris, Tokyo” (which is apparently sufficient justification to charge thousands of baht for what is little more than coloured chalk), then she would make up to look like Ronald McDonald on acid. She likes clothes but my selection would make her look like a tramp, and not in a good way. I could buy her an iPad but I already have one. I did consider a DVD of “The greatest Grand Prix moments from the 1970s”, but that would just be too obvious. So I was pretty much stuck, until the resolution of last week was passed by a unanimous vote and all the gift-buying pressure was lifted.
Today is her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday, which seemed appropriate. And I told her I love her, because I do; and that really that should be enough birthday recognition for a woman of advancing years. But, being the big-hearted softie that I am, I will take her out for a meal as well.
And now I have a few months to nullify the resolution before my birthday comes along. Of course I expect a gift, and something a good deal more exclusive than a DVD of “The greatest Grand Prix moments from the 1970s”.
Comments 🔗
2010-08-09| Sangy saysHappy Birthday to SWMBO.
2010-08-09| Spike saysSWMBO says thank you.
2010-08-09| Pete says“I could buy her an iPad but I already have one”. Classic!! What a laugh that gave me. And happy birthday to her as well. Enjoy your meal.
2010-08-09| Spike saysThanks Pete. I must admit, rather vainly, that that particular sentence made me giggle too. The meal was Sunday brunch buffet at Mantra. Rather costly, but I think I ate my own weight in fresh French oysters; so probably worth it.
2010-08-09| genuinej saysLet’s hope one of the oysters did the trick because if it did that could be construed as a birthday present. For you, at least.
2010-08-10| Spike saysAt least one certainly did the trick; I went home and had a massive shit Thanks for asking.
2010-08-13| Candice Skoien saysi appreciate writing this
2010-08-13| Spike saysYou didn’t.
2010-08-13| genuinej saysDoes Candice mean to say “I appreciate this writing”? But WGAF?