If I had to rate the navigational skills of she who must be obeyed, I would give her a solid 9.9; out of ten thousand. Take her a kilometre away from home and she will never return without assistance. Ten minutes in a shopping mall and she will have no idea where the car is parked.
All the more surprising then, that when we were in her home town of Ubon Ratchahtani, she directed me down obscure side-streets in search of elusive shortcuts, and they all worked. She knew every road, every tiny sub soi; and always knew exactly where we were. I was extremely impressed and told her so in my usual charming way: “You are less crap than usual.”
So it was with some confidence that I accepted her proposal to make an afternoon visit to Sam Pan Bo, a collection of rocks a mere 70 kilometres away.
Two hours and 165 kilometres later, we arrived. Evening was approaching, there was a threat of rain, and there was no sign of the famous rocks. Apparently we had to take a boat, and the boat owner wanted 500 baht. Fortunately, we found some people to share the ride and soon we were standing on some rocks with holes in them. And that was the attraction, just some rocks with holes in them. Take a photo at sunrise or sunset and you might catch a red reflection in the water; but there was no sign of the setting sun. We had driven for two hours and taken an expensive boat ride to stand on some rocks which looked very similar to the rocks on my beach outside our condo.
In the midst of this natural wonder, there was one rock pool which was circular, with a couple of little pools on the side; such that it looked vaguely like the outline of a cartoon character. This was enough for the many other people who had been conned out of 500 baht for a ride in a boat; and a mass shriek of “Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!” erupted, two fingers were raised, stupid grins put on faces, a happy memories of a mouse shaped pool moment were captured with cameras. I refused to indulge, although to be honest there was little else to photograph.
After all that excitement, we still had to get home. By the time we returned to the car it was getting dark and it had started to rain. We decided to take an alternative route back which looked shorter, but wasn’t.
Road repairs in Thailand are apparently administered at a very local level. We would do a few kilometres on smooth tarmac, cross into a different village area, and suddenly be on a surface more suitable to a rally stage. It was dark, wet and the road was narrow. It had been a long time since I had had to deal with such unpleasant driving conditions and all the time I was praying to a god that I do not believe in. Please, imaginary friend; no puncture.
She who must be obeyed has a thing about driving at night down country roads that are lined with trees. And the thing is, she doesn’t like it. There is no doubt in her mind that ghosts are lurking in the undergrowth and under no circumstances are we allowed to stop and open the doors.
Once we had reached the safety of Ubon after a round trip of 350 kilometres, I asked her what she would have done if we had stopped with a puncture. Apparently we would have locked the doors and waited until daylight; or until a lorry driven by a drunk plowed into the back of us. I think there would have been arguments. Thank you, imaginary friend.
Comments 🔗
2010-07-30| genuinej saysPlowed eh? You gone pseudo Yank?
2010-07-30| A. Pedant saysplow O.E. plog, ploh “plow, plowland (a measure of land),” possibly from Scand. (cf. O.N. plogr “plow”), from P.Gmc. *plogo- (cf. O.Fris. ploch, M.L.G. ploch, M.Du. ploech, O.H.G. pfluog ). O.C.S. plugu, Lith. plugas “plow” are Germanic loan-words, as is probably L. plovus, plovum “plow,” a word said by Pliny to be of Rhaetian origin. Replaced O.E. sulh, cognate with L. sulcus “furrow.” As a name for the Big Dipper, it is recorded from 1513. The verb is first recorded c.1420. Plowshare is first recorded c.1380.
2010-07-30| genuinej saysA. Pedant. aka Spike?
2010-07-31| Spike saysAs far as I can tell, a Mr. Andrew Pedant of 43 The Willows, Oscot, Berkshire.
2010-07-31| Billy saysYep, those IP addresses can tell you a lot these days ..