My earliest recollections of accessing the wide wide world of web involved dialing into somewhere in another galaxy; waiting forever for a connection; and then keying in a user name and a password which I kept on a piece of card (which I regularly mislaid). If I could find the card, and make it as far as the keying in step; then I might be rewarded with a steam-powered visit to the web. In those days the web was only available in green (or maybe it was just my monitor), but at least there was only one password to write on the piece of card.
As the web developed, more and more sites required passwords. A growing awareness of security issues, and a lack of sufficient cards, meant that writing down passwords was no longer acceptable. But browsers and operating systems evolved so you didn’t have to remember anything. Call up the screen and your user id and password were filled in automatically. Bliss. You could go for a year or more and never have to enter a password.
This is wonderfully convenient until the day the bastard website decides it doesn’t want to help you any more and asks for your password which by now you have forgotten.
When this happens you enter a little whirlpool of sadness and frustration. There is usually a twenty seven step password recovery process, requiring you to provide snippets of your life which you have previously given as personal data in the event the web page turns into a mean bastard and refuses to spit out your password. Of course you have forgotten these fragments and have to guess at the answers.
What was your mother’s favourite colour? The name of you second pet turtle? The cream you used to treat the disease that infected your armpits?
So you make hopeful guesses and, if you are lucky, are told that a new password has been sent to your nominated e-mail address. Which sodding e-mail address, I have dozens? And even if I knew which e-mail it was, I have forgotten the password? It’s a vicious circle and it drives me nuts.
So I decided to do something about it. First of all, I downloaded 1Password, which can sit on the iPhone or the iPad. As the name suggests, you use one password to open the encrypted database, and then store all your log-in data. Then off I went to record all my passwords. Except I didn’t know them because they were just stars on the screen. So I logged on and changed the password; which mainly worked. Facebook, which has to be one of the worst pieces of software in the history of mankind, had other ideas. It required me to enter my existing password before I could set a new one; even though I was already logged in. Wankers. So it was off to the “name the fabric of your grandmother’s curtains” nonsense again.
Then I came to Flickr, the excellent facility which holds all the photos for this site. I had an uneasy feeling about my Flickr access; but as it kept me permanently logged on, I never had to enter anything. So, no worries, I will go and change the password. When I opt to do this, the fucker logs me out and presents me the Yahoo sign-in screen.
Yahoo? Why Yahoo? Then I faintly recall that Flickr is in some way part of Yahoo and I have to sign on as a Yahoo member. Except I have zero recollection of a Yahoo account. After an hour of fiddling I find that spiketennyson works; but it is not related to Pattaya Days. I switch into panic mode and demand a full list of she who must be obeyed’s email log-ins. I then spend the best part of two hours logging into all my accounts and all her accounts trying to find some reference to a new Yahoo account. Nothing. By this time I am swearing like a sweary thing that has just dropped a hammer on his toes, and I am looking for a cat to abuse. In desperation I try tennysonspike, and I am in! A quick trip through the “What’s your highest score at Scrabble” routine, and I have a shiny new password to keep safe.
All this took the best part of a day and was extremely stressful. But eventually I had a secure store of all my internet access data, and the rather long and random 1Password access password written on a small piece of yellow card which I intended to keep in my desk.
The following morning I couldn’t find the card. “Have you seen that small piece of yellow card?” I asked she who must be obeyed, in a voice which I tried to control so it did not seem like an important question.
“I think the maid threw it out yesterday” was the reply, in a voice that indicated it was not considered an important answer.
All I need to do now is remember a randomly generated fourteen character code; or else I am back to square one. Why the hell did I not just use the colour of my grandmother’s curtains?
Comments 🔗
2010-06-02| Lloyd saysIf someone was to say to you, would you entrust all your money, investments, welfare, pension(s) and wife(s) fidelity to a single person or company would you do so.
Same same with passwords, checkout why there are so many issues with the current acceptance in the implementation and standards of a system like OpenID. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OpenID
The worst company I have encountered for changing email address and password is eBay/Paypal, the words “fucking stupid” does not do justice to their staff and customer service.
p.s do not see this as another negaitive comment against Apple, iPhones, iPads or anything related!
2010-06-03| Spike sayseBay and PayPal; shit I forgot about those….
2010-06-07| Rocky Lavanway says“You’ll be able to place gravy in the center of the food and then he/she will still eat the kind of food that it likes and it gets used to the dog food.That’s what I do to my dog and she loves me and her food too.Attempt this and it could help you along with your problem.”
2010-06-09| Arianne Trim saysI wish obtaining in excess of a broken heart can be so uncomplicated as following several steps.. but its not…
2010-06-09| Billy saysDear Rocky,
Why don’t you get your dog to REALLY love you by swallowing a whole huge bowl of gravy until your stomach is distended, then get he/she to rip your stomach out and dig her nuzzle into your entrails and lap up the gravy.
This will not only make your dog love you, though admittedly not for long, but also help us along with our problem …. cheers, Billy
2010-06-10| Lillie Rajala saysI found your site on yahoo and thought I would drop by and say hey. I like the way your blog is set up. I¡¯ll come back later. I have to go walk my dog right now and take them to potty.
2010-06-12| Carmina Becka saysIt has never been so easy to set up your own home based business as with Home Hooker Enterprises .