When I was eight I fell in love for the first time. Her name was Mary and there was little doubt that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I recall walking down a beach in the moonlight singing choruses from the musical, South Pacific. Very romantic, except Mary wasn’t with me; I was far too shy to proclaim my passion.
The years passed and, even as life became more complicated with the arrival of spots and hormones, Mary lingered in my memory as an example of female perfection. Finally, in my late teens, we met again. I’ll admit I was excited at the prospect. Maybe we would finally walk hand in hand down that beach in the moonlight, (although the music would have to be updated), and then we could practice some of those things I had recently learned that you could do with girls.
But Mary was a disappointment. The flaxen-haired waif of my childhood had grown up; but had also grown out to an alarming proportion. Her spots were of higher density than mine and her hair appeared to have been treated with lard. But worst of all, she was an I-Spy fanatic.
I-Spy books were a fad in the UK for many years. Your parents would buy you a little book called I-Spy On a Car Journey, with the hope you would spend the entire five hour trip to your Granny staring out the window looking for some object that you could then tick off in your I-Spy book; rather than asking “are we there yet?” every five minutes and your parents thinking “shut the fuck up”. There was I-Spy Birds, I-Spy Flags and I-Spy Pedophiles (or at least there should have been).
The object was to tick everything in the book and then send it off to Big Chief I-Spy who would send you back a feather and a piece of paper which purported to be an “order of merit”, but which actually announced “you’re a wanker”.
I-Spy was fun when you were in primary school; but they soon became boring and you ended up just ticking everything and sending it off to get the feather. By mid-teens you would openly mock anyone with an I-Spy book. So to discover that your dream girl was carrying round the complete set of I-Spy books in a small satchel and was keen to discuss her latest sightings, rather than handing out pills and suggesting we go back to her place and get laid; well, it would be an understatement to say I was disappointed. Mind you, had she offered me a pill and some sex I would not have been able to cope; but at least she would have garnered some respect.
Since that time, I have developed a sneering disrespect for the spotter community; so that would include anyone who bought this book:
There were four copies available at the B2S bookshop in Royal Garden Mall, and it was of no surprise that they were all for sale at a reduced price. It was a bit more of a surprise to discover that every book in the shop was on sale.
This branch is being used as a dumping ground for every book that they can’t sell anywhere else. Browsing the store leaves you wondering at the mentality of the buyers for B2S. The lighthouse book is a good example. Apart from being a feeble subject to start with, all the lighthouses are in North America, which rather limits the appeal to Thailand based lighthouse spotters. And there are plenty of other examples of books that you cannot imagine anyone in Thailand, or in their right mind, would ever buy.
But she who must be obeyed insisted on a browse so I spent about an hour looking at hundreds of cheap books that were of no interest to me at any price. In the end I acquired a 2007 photography annual which used to be 2,700 baht and was going for 300. Glossy and full of great photos. Plus another book whose title I seem to have forgotten…
Probably not too late for you to rush down to B2S and grab one of the four three remaining copies of the Lighthouse Spotter’s Guide.
Comments 🔗
2010-06-27| genuinej saysI think you’re being a bit hard on I-Spy. It was a product of its age when there were no computer games, (possibly because there were no computers). Not everyone had television and children did paper rounds, joined the Boys Brigade, Scouts or Girl Guides and rarely went as far as holding hands with the opposite sx. And certainly not the same sx. On the other hand, I-Spy could be regarded as a manipulative means of conning kids and their parents out of cash to buy the books, aka “marketing” by the Daily Mail, a British tabloid newspaper that was, and still is, utterly crap
2010-06-28| Billy saysHard to disagree that the Mail in now a pale imitation of what a popular middle of the road paper should be, utter crap is about right.
That said, it is also a pale imitation of what it once was, a decent and relatively principled middle of the road newspaper, possessed of a number of excellent columnists, great sports coverage and a tuned in City staff. The perfect paper for the wives of the people who run the country in fact.
2010-06-29| Mike Schultze saysHey is it me or is Royal Garden Plaza slowly becoming a ghost town. One bookstore allready moved and now it looks like B2S is moving on too. While I am at it, when will Jomtien area start getting faster internet. I feel like Pattaya City Hall thinks Pattaya is Beach Road and Second Road anything elese its up to you. The Avenue also is another example of a good idea that without Villa Market and McDonalds and cheap movies on Wednesday would go under. What about the Walking Street Soho Square? Yet they keep building more Condos…for whom
2010-06-29| Spike saysIt’s not you, Royal Garden has been doomed since Central Beach Road opened.
Internet speeds are not down to City Hall and are generally shit everywhere.
No idea who the condos are for; Russians?
2010-07-02| motorcycle accessories saysCool! But you might want to check your comments more often. You seem to be getting hit some fake comments. I had a similar problem myself. So nowadays I look at everything with extra care.
Oh, I see you checked this one and took out the spam link…..
2010-07-03| Ira Sinton saysGod i love Bing. I personally have been watching too much television :P i bought Satalite Direct TV from imawamker.org which allows you to watch all your TV programs on your PC (Legally ofcourse)