Receive a letter from my ex-employer. Every year they write to me to advise me that my pension is going to be increased by an amount so small it is hardly worth bothering to tell me. They also give me an update on the performance of the company over the previous year. Clearly there is no link between the obscene profits being earned and my pension increase. Then they tell me about the 6,000 jobs that have been cut in the name of efficiency and point out, rather obviously, that this has made it a tough year for many people. They conclude with: “as ever, we have done our best to show respect for the individual”. Yeah, right.
I went through this painful process myself about six years ago. Thirty two years a loyal company man, but I was about to be cast out into the wilderness. Having been given a particularly shitty job (transitioning our sold company to the new owner), I was asked what I wanted to do once the work was complete. I could have chosen to retire; but there were financial downsides to that compared to the option of “voluntary redundancy”. Of course I also had the option to apply for another job in another location; but I had just spent five years working in Bangkok, where in the world could I go that would beat that? So redundancy it was. Oh, the humiliation.
I can clearly remember the day when I sat down with Human Resources to discuss the impact of my decision; it was a painful process.
First of all, we will add to your pension entitlement so you retire on full pension, which of course you will start receiving immediately.
Well, that is of course a small comfort; but I still find it hard to stop weeping.
And we will pay you six months salary in lieu of notice, even though we are having this discussion two months before you leave.
Pass the tissues
It will be the full expatriate salary
I am smiling to hide my sadness
And tax free
That was not a whoop of joy, it was a yodel of sadness
Then are a couple of lump sum payments, offshore and tax free; just to soften the blow.
Do you think you can buy me off with cash? How much?
{shows paper with huge numbers written on it}
Are those pounds or baht?
Pounds.
Oh, well perhaps I feel a little better.
And finally we will make you a payment to help you settle back in your home country
But I am staying in Thailand
I know that, you know that, but the guys in head office don’t know that. Just give us an address in the UK and we give you the money.
I think I love you. We love you too. Please don’t steal any (more) pens on the way out.
And that was it. A brief conversation before being cast out onto the streets, alone and with little prospects of future employment. “We have done our best to show respect for the individual”. Nonsense. The allowance for settling back in my home country may have covered carpets and curtains, but was insufficient for a wide screen TV and associated sound system. Cheapskates.
There are a number of colleagues who have gone through this process. All have emerged emotionally scarred. Camberley for instance. He used to spend his days locked in an office, firing off emails complaining about his job. Now I rarely hear from him; I understand he is lost in a world of excessive alcohol and drugs playing too much bridge.
And now, the last of my old company contacts has been humiliated and thrown onto the streets with nothing more than a lifetime of financial security ahead of him. Poor Billy. His latest blog entry sums up his pain:
Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, I am free at last! (with apologies to the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.)
Well done Billy, may your retirement be long, healthy and happy (and I hope you managed to escape with some free pens).
Comments 🔗
2010-03-27| Camberley saysIts all down to your blog. I am in touch with you every day you just don’t know it. Will try to write more. Later. I have a bridge match tonight and need to read up on overcalls. By the way the bit about alcohol is on the button.
My experience was similar to yours except
- it wasn’t all tax free
- it wasn’t an expat salary
- they found they had made a mistake with the numbers in their favour and so gave me some more
- they found another mistake in my favour and let me keep it
- they gave me some pens as souvenirs
Billy - welcome to the land of the living.
2010-03-27| Spike saysPlease send pens.
2010-03-27| Billy saysMade final secret mission into the office to fill up on pens, stabilos, A4 paper and blank DVDs. Glad I hired a van, mission accomplished.
Like Spike, I will slightly miss the e-mail wars and some of the people but otherwise it is really very difficult to spot a downside to joining the land of the living :-)