As the proprietor of this throbbing organ, I am approached almost daily with tempting offers, many of which I find it hard to refuse. Even now, the postal network is straining under the load of transporting assorted dubious medications to my door, and my limited savings are being invested in a variety of schemes with new friends from Nigeria who honestly intend sending me large amounts of cash soon.
And now this, from someone called Pam. I know she is called Pam because she starts her message with:
“My name is Pam, and I am part of the outreach team for a new blog monetization network. We have recently launched a sponsored blog post offering that is looking to add quality sites such as your own to our offerings.”
I got as far as “Pam” but then my eyes started to glaze over when she told me she was part of the outreach team. What the hell is an outreach team? Never mind, the team is working on a “new blog monetization network”, which I assume it outreach-team-speak for making money from blogging. Sound good Pam, tell me more; more specifically tell me what a “sponsored blog post offering” entails.
But it’s too late, Pam has already launched into the next paragraph:
“What is the difference between us and other sponsored post services?” Let me guess, yours is impossible to understand when sober? But she continues:
“We are not looking for authors to provide sponsored reviews of products and services. Instead, we offer opportunities for writers to create content related to the vertical of their website, and monetize that content.”
Well, it is English Pam, but not as we know it. You don’t want to sponsor reviews? Well, that is a shame because I could do that. I can fawn effusively over any damn product you like if you pay me. Damn it, I’ll even say nice things about Sony if there is enough cash on the table. But no, you want me to create content related to the vertical of my website. I’m really not sure I know how to do that.
Which is a shame, because then Pam tells me:
“If accepted into our offering you will receive opportunities with basic writing directions that match your vertical. You will then need to simply follow the directions in the opportunity to get receive payment. When does payment come in? When you report the link to the post back to us.”
To be blunt, Pam; I think some basic writing directions are required at the outreach team level too.
She closes with: “It’s that easy. It’s that transparent. We are not asking you to review products or services you may never have tried, or mislead your readers. In fact, we pride ourselves on our transparency, and mindset towards community building. If you are interested in our offering simply fill out this form http://blogvertising.org/ . We will review your site more thoroughly to make sure it meets the quality metrics we look to offer, and contact you once accepted.”
That’s a double dose of transparency, but it’s still opaque to me. Anyway, I don’t think I meet the required quality metrics when I include statements such as the following in my blog:
Dear Pam Please fuck off. Vertically. love Spike
Comments 🔗
2010-02-25| Billy saysAs you not infrequently remind me Spike, I have a preference for the horizontal but, no matter, would appreciate a copy of the original for fun and games …
2010-02-26| Spike saysSent. I have already signed up Sompost.
2010-02-26| Billy sayshaha … nice move if they are still in business ..