Idiot, failed ex-husband takes his two kids away for a weekend. Earth starts to explode. Returns kids to Mum who is married to successful plastic surgeon. Earth explodes some more and they all escape in a plane with new husband at the controls who has only had two lessons but manages to navigate the plane through an exploding city. There are several soft music moments where ex-husband tells kids that he loves them and they tell him the new husband is really cool. Some more kids appear on the scene, and a puppy; so now we have four children and one pet, all of whom are guaranteed to survive. Then a Russian billionaire turns up and he will certainly die because, although he is rich, he is uncouth.
More stuff happens involving impossible circumstances, but some of it involves Thandie Newton so that is OK. I hope she is going to survive because she is at her most sultry when slightly tarnished and vulnerable.
More exploding planet earth and a lot of tsunamis, a totally neglected surfing opportunity. New husband levels up his piloting skills dramatically by flying a Tupolev airliner through some more collapsing buildings. He’ll be soloing a stealth fighter if this movie goes on much longer.
Thankfully we are heading for the climax and wonderful new husband dies, even though ex-husband tries so hard to save him. Within a minute, bitch Mum and traitorous children seem to forget about old husband and love failed ex-husband again. Which is a shame because he volunteers for what is explained as being a “suicide mission”, even though it isn’t. But he saves the lives of thousands so that is good. But look at the sad faces of bitch Mum and traitorous children; they have lost both men in their lives; it could be minutes before they find someone else to latch onto.
But wait, against all odds, here comes ex-husband returning from certain death; cue swelling music and cheers from what remains of humanity. Fade to sunlight returning to the earth and future humanity being the hellspawn of John Cusack. And the north pole has moved to Africa which is going to confuse the hell out of polar bears (who will not have died ‘cos they look cute).
- Two hours of utter bollocks with about five minutes of nifty effects. Do to it as you would the plague.
Thandie Newton’s good though. Although not in the acting sense. Oh, and stuffing an aircraft carrier into the White House, there’s an idea.
Comments 🔗
2009-11-17| Camberley saysBut there are no Polar Bears at the South Pole
2009-11-17| Camberley saysBloody retroactive editing. I have been caught by that before. Bastard.
2009-11-18| jgm005 saysJust saw it on the internet. Mr. Cusack must be in desperate straits to take a role like this one.
2009-11-19| MSB saysI loved it.
But I am a broker working for a bank than got massive gov bail out money, so probably not to be trusted…..