I am a cute young girl called Jenny and I play poker on-line. So far, it has been going very well. I started with around 10,000 chips and found a type of game where nine people contribute to a pot; and then you play until everyone but the winner has been eliminated. The final three share the pot. I found I was quite good at this and eventually I had more than one million chips. Took a while, because I only play small tables. Then one evening I played a 1,000 chip table and won, only to discover that it was a million chip table and my winnings were 3.5 million. Since then I have continued to win and now I have more than 5 million chips. But I still stick to the small tables because the other players are generally stupid, people who have bought large numbers of chips and are currently on their way down to chip bankruptcy; easy pickings.
But being young, cute and wearing a bikini is a mixed blessing. One the positive side, many players regard me as an air-headed bimbo (which I’m not of course, I am studying to be a doctor if you cared to ask). This means they ignore me as a threat on the table, until they suddenly find that they have no chips left and I have them all. Allow my sweet smile and exposed mammaries to distract you at your peril.
On the negative side, I do attract some unwarranted attention. No sooner have I joined a table than a variety of young men send me requests to be their poker buddy. I initially ignore all such requests; but if any of my potential suitors proves himself to be totally crap at poker, and still in possession of a pile of chips; then I happily allow him to be my friend so I can relieve him of further chips at a later date. The good players go unanswered, even if they are cute and not wearing shirts.
Then there are those who try and chat me up. There are three categories of chat-up line, the timid, the pathetic, and the obscene.
The timid gentlemen always start with “Hello Jenny”. Every table I play is almost always guaranteed to produce a “Hello Jenny”. Usually I just ignore this and they never say anything else, what with being timid and probably social inadequate when in front of a real woman. But sometimes they get a little irked that I do not respond and keep pushing; like Ali from the UAE yesterday.
Hello Jenny!
[no response]
Jenny?
[no response]
Hey Jenny, are you too stuck-up to talk to me?!!
[right you little shit, you asked for it]
Oh, Hi Ali!! Sorry, I was busy cleaning myself up after servicing a customer (wink!). So, how are you? Is that nasty rash on your genitals clearing up? I told you that you should go and see a proper doctor, that cream your mother makes for you may not be doing the job; and I really don’t think it is appropriate that she applies it for you.
[Ali has left the table]
The pathetic usually comes in the form of an obvious compliment, such as:
“Jenny, you are so beautiful!!”
How do you answer that? I mean, I know I am beautiful. Excellent genes and a rigorous daily skincare regime which is hard to maintain given all the studying I have to do to become a doctor, and the endless poker. “Thank you” just doesn’t cut it, so again I usually ignore it; unless they start to push it, in which case something along the lines of:
“It’s true, I am. A shame that your face looks like a bag of nails; but perhaps you have a nice personality; although I see no evidence of that yet”.
Such a response seems to do a good job of alienating everyone on the table, which means they get emotional and lose all their chips. To me. I rule. And I’m beautiful.
Finally, and rather sadly, the obscene. There are some who believe that an on-line poker table is an excellent place to suggest that they would like to place parts of their anatomy near to, on, or even inside parts of my anatomy. Such suggestions cannot be ignored and my standard response is:
“Well, it’s an interesting idea. But it appears that what you have there are genitals, only much much smaller”.
Such a response seems to do a good job of gaining the support of everyone on the table (apart from mini-dick), which means they get emotional and lose all their chips. To me. I rule. And I’m a virgin.
Lastly, I do get the occasional attractive woman who wants to be my buddy. For some reason I feel compelled to immediately agree to her request. I worry that maybe I have lesbian tendencies.
It’s not easy being Jenny.
Comments 🔗
2009-10-15| Billy says
2009-10-16| genuinej saysBilly; please explain.
2009-10-16| Billy saysGJ - which one of the five stars are you finding most trouble with?
2009-10-17| Marcus saysI thought you wanted to write “shite” but were being polite. Weak and unintelligible writing.
2009-10-17| Billy saysWith analysis as weak, unintelligible and just plain wrong as that, I do believe you have a future in a major oil company or perhaps the NHS
2009-10-17| Billy sayseither that or your real name is Ali ….
2009-10-25| Jock saysI believe Spike has been playing FaceBook poker and extortioning huge wads of chips whilst masquerading as Jenny (and using a photo of his pet goat from Stonehaven) … how stupid can some guys be ??? Even in Bangkok there is a warning message at the airport ‘If you would like to become a Millionnaire in Thailand then you better have arrived with 3 Million or more’ … these girls know how to extract the dosh (believe me) !!