A colleague from my working days moved here a couple of weeks ago. I have been helping him settle in, mainly by driving him around to various locations and offering sage advice, much of which turned out to be wrong or irrelevant, or both.
This morning it was “get Jerry (for that is his name) a driving licence”. Due to my abhorrence for rising promptly, it was 0930 before we arrived at the licence centre, by which time there was a healthy scrum of people attempting a variety of transactions, all of which were paper intensive.
Jerry, being an organised chap, had done some research and was loaded down with paper. Naturally this was not enough for the lady at the front door who was vetting all arrivals for sufficiency of documentation. It was randomly decided that Jerry had two more forms to complete, but finally we were given a number and ushered inside the inner sanctum.
It was a scene of organised chaos. Correction, it was scene of chaos; with names being shouted out, numbers being called, and assorted queues forming and disbanding apparently without purpose. We sat to await the calling of our number. Or at least Jerry did, I hunkered down in the back row, playing games on my phone in anticipation of a long wait.
In front of me was one of the sadly typical residents of Pattaya. Pony tail, ear rings, tattoos, and a total lack of cultural awareness that one should show a little respect to government officials by NOT wearing a scruffy tank top. Plonker.
Ninety minutes later we were out, with Jerry proudly clutching his new licences (one bike, one car). Should you wish to repeat the process, here are the detailed steps:
- Copy everything they say they need, plus some mystery items which only you can guess.
- Fill in the additional forms, chosen at random by the lady at the front door.
- Take the little ticket with a number, which will be at least 20 higher than the number currently being served.
- Wait, try not to get into any arguments with dickheads with ponytails just because you took their photo for the purposes of deriding them later.
- Present yourself to the witch-woman who will check your submission. If you are unlucky, go back to step 1.
- If you are lucky, wait for your name to be called.
- Be slightly humiliated when you answer a call for “Sherry” rather than “Jerry” by mistake and have to return to your seat with the eyes of the room upon you.
- Finally your name is called and you must take part in some party games called “read the eye-test sign which even a medically certified blind person could read” and “check your reaction time using a machine calibrated to accommodate the comatose”. It is not possible to fail these tests unless you are actually dead; but then you wouldn’t be wanting a driving licence would you? 9.Wait.
- Have your photo taken.
- Wait.
- Pay money.
- Collect licence and stifle desire to scream with relief.
See, it’s easy.
Comments 🔗
2009-08-11| Billy saysMy dear friend, Lt. Edmonds (RN Retd.), once shared something with me about pony tails worn by men, “funny thing about them” he told me “is that if you lift one up then you will always find a c*nt underneath”
I have yet to find an exception to what must surely be a generalisation.
2009-08-12| genuinej saysBilly,I always thought you found an a**ehole if you lifted a pony tail. The photo appears to show that either theory could be correct, but Spike could confirm this by asking the subject if/when he next sees him.
2009-08-27| Jock saysJerry S. of GP Finance fame who worked in SM House and Thailand before ?
2009-08-27| Spike saysThe very same.
2009-08-27| Jock saysBrill! Now there are two that I can annoy on next trip to Jomtiem. Trust that he has some contacts that will make his familiariasation that bit easier … otherwise send him to Spinner at the Long Tail Bar !!
2009-08-28| Spike saysTwo? After your last visit I moved house and changed phone number. Hope you have a really nice time with Jerry.