We're all going to die. Eventually.

Once again, Pattaya leads the world; this time it’s piggy flu.

While the rest of the planet fiddles about with a few victims, Pattaya gets stuck right in by infecting 21 staff at the Star Dice Disco. Customers at the disco have no doubt wheezed and sweated their way into other, similar establishments; and soon the whole city will be an infected mess.

Given this situation, the WHO had no choice but to declare a worldwide pandemic. “What happens today in Pattaya, happens tomorrow in the rest of the world” declared Ignatio Raulo, spokesperson for the WHO and significant investor in certain pharmaceutical companies.

Of course it is all bollocks. Half a million people die of ordinary flu every year and nobody gives a shit (apart from those who actually die). This strain is far less virulent, but it does serve as a way to encourage the use of all those stocks of expiring flu vaccine which never got used for the bird flu pandemic that never happened. And of course to sell millions of dollars worth of new vaccine.

But remember, please wash your hands after handling a bar girl. Especially if she is unusually hot.

Comments 🔗

2009-06-12 | The Ghost says

where’d you see that it was star dice?

2009-06-12 | Pete, frogblogger says

And don’t forget to wear a mask for your head and any other extremities you might expose to infection.

Good point about the expiry dates of vaccines. I’ve seen some cynical advertising pushing online sales at around £150 a course of antiviral treatment.

2009-06-12 | Spike says

Star Dice was reported in Pattaya One News.

2009-06-12 | genuine j says

(apart from those who actually die) ? Surely by the time you’ve died it’s too late to give a shit. Maybe bereaved relatives might, unless, of course, they’ve been left a shitload of money.

2009-06-12 | Spike says

It’s at the exact moment of passing over that you experience that “oh shit” moment. Allegedly.

2009-06-12 | genuine j says

Spike, ! Bollocks!! Where’s your evidence??

2009-06-12 | Spike says

Is this challenge in respect of this post or the entire site?

Evidence for what?

2009-06-13 | Thailand Girl says

haha funny post - well done

2009-06-13 | PattayaBigChris says

If it wasn’t swine flu it would be something else to worry about. I’m sure more people are dying of HIV infections worlwide everyday than swine flu and we don’t hear much about that anymore. Anyway, all reports indicate that it isn’t that bad a strain and it looks like its life-threatening only for weak and sick people.

2009-06-14 | Billy says

That puts Spike right there in the target zone then … if you had added “and drive impossibly large pick up trucks” he would be dead meat ….

2009-06-14 | genuine j says

Spike;re comment 7. Just the post. The site is great. Or should that be grate? Keep up the gud work!

2009-06-15 | Spike says

Why can’t you spell properly any more? Is this some amazingly witty reference (or an inference, or an implication) to one of my many spelling mistakes?

And where’s my evidence for what?

2009-06-15 | genuine j says

Sorry about the spelling. I’d just come back from an overlong session in the local pub. Your site is triffic.

I was enquiring about evidence to support your statement/allegation at no. 5 on June 12th.

2009-06-15 | Spike says

It’s true. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

2009-06-15 | genuine j says

A spin doctor?