If I had to name my most treasured possession, it would be the stamp in my passport that allows my to live in this fine country. Every year I have to renew the stamp and it is always a time of mild tension. Not because I expect to be refused, but because if I fail to provide the correct documents, I could be in for several hours/days of queuing and frustration.
The immigration office is not a place where you want to spend much time; not because of the staff, who do an admirable job of remaining helpful and cheerful, but because of the crowd of variable humanity that throngs through the doors every day, many of whom try their hardest to piss off the staff.
There are signs asking people to dress properly and show respect to government servants, to which a common response is a scruffy singlet and a smell that indicates a lack of shower for several days. Couple this with an arrogant and belligerent attitude, and it makes me ashamed to be a foreigner in Thailand. Some of these retards get rightly thrown out, the rest stink out the place and cause a scene. Sigh.
Anyway, here is how you work things to your favour in immigration:
Firstly, get all the documents you think they need, plus all the documents you can’t possibly imagine they need, plus documents you definitely know they don’t need. Copy all of the documents twice and sign all the copies.
Dig deep into your wardrobe and pull out your smartest shirt and trousers, or dress (the latter only works for females). Shower before wearing.
Immigration opens at 0830, be there by 0800. Half an hour queuing in the morning air is better than up to three hours queuing in the fetid interior, sat next to Boris who is picking his toenails and flicking the extracted waste over your smart trousers. Trust me on this.
At 0830, or usually slightly earlier, you will be waved inside and the official greeter will ask you what service you want and give you a queue ticket. Being first in the queue, as I was yesterday, you are then called to a desk at exactly 0830 and your visa application considered. It is at this point you give a big smile, wish them sawadee krap, and unload the mountain of paperwork onto the table. Doing this with a flourish is not helpful. The clerk spends a few minutes working through the pile and extracting what he considers is required. This varies from year to year. The unwanted documents are returned to you and you can keep them for resubmission the following year when they might suddenly become vital.
You pay the fee, get a receipt and then move onto the senior official who peruses the selected paperwork, puts circles round apparently important information and stamps everything with red inked stamps. Then you get a numbered piece of plastic and are told to pick up your passport the following day. Another smile and a khop khun krap, and you are out of there. Yesterday this whole process took me twelve minutes. When I left, a man in a dirt-stained T-shirt was pointing his finger at a hapless official and shouting. I expect he would be there for a while and would leave with nothing.
Today I picked up my freshly stamped passport, which means that she who must be obeyed is stuck with me for another year. And I don’t have to start up “Wigan Days - a doomed life in a less than ordinary place.” For that I am thankful.
Comments 🔗
2009-02-26| mart saysMy turn today. I am a little concerned that my rental agreement could not be to the officer’s taste but the ladies at the condominium office said it would do. Of course I believe them. Going to iron my shirt once more and shave twice in the morning, should definitely help.
2009-02-27| Spike saysGood luck. Maybe some form of fancy dress might improve your chances.
2009-02-28| mart saysDone. She who must be taken seriously failed to wake me up which resulted in me arriving at the immigration office at 8:50. With such a bad start I was already convinced that this day had kind of a bad karma. My perfectly shaved face did impress the flirty officer though.
2009-03-02| Spike saysWas that the rather gay flirty officer, or the female flirty officer; or both?
2009-03-03| mart saysNot sure about that. You never really know in Thailand.
2009-03-04| Spike saysAs long as you know where you stand gender-wise with she who must be taken seriously.
2009-03-10| mart saysShe lies on the left side of the bed is all I am going to say.