It was with some surprise that I realised today that it is almost five years since I swapped the life of sitting around in front of a computer in an office, drinking coffee and “earning” obscene amounts of cash, for a life of sitting around in front of a computer in my condo, drinking coffee and receiving obscenely small amounts of cash, laughably called a pension. Of course, the great thing about not working is that I can choose when to sit in front of the computer, or alternatively I can go windsurfing, or play computer games, or take photographs, or pretty much do whatever I want with my life. And I wouldn’t swap that freedom to go back to the sitting in the office crap, even for obscene amounts of cash, plus an obscene bonus.
I am reminded of this anniversary by a mail stating:
Dear Participant,
A recent document has been added under the communications section of your online holding. Please login using your Global ID and Pin. This document contains information of the imminent lapse of share options.
Yours faithfully
Share Plan Administrators for that crappy company you used to work for
The purpose of the mail was to inform me that it was now five years since I left the company, and my remaining share options were about to lapse. And lapse they will, given that the current price is some three pounds less than when they were awarded. Proof, if any were needed, that the company has gone to shit since I left it in the less than capable hands of Billy, Camberley and 100,000 or so others. Shame on you.
The share option thingie was a relatively recent innovation for the lower ranks of the company such as myself. The boss would call you in and tell you it had been a challenging year (i.e. you were crap) and that you were being given a salary rise and bonus commensurate with your performance (i.e. not a lot). Oh, and as an afterthought, here are some share options which may be worth something if you hang around long enough. Quite frankly they were filed and forgotten; so it was quite a surprise a couple of years ago to realise I could cash some in and buy my lovely Civic 2.0 litre (R.I.P.).
But not so the remaining allotment which will now lapse and thus sever my remaining links with my previous employing company, apart from the pathetic pension.
Comments 🔗
2009-01-30| Camberley saysLook here mate my share options are in the toilet as well. If you don’t like the options scheme you should see the even bigger con they replaced it with. Here is a number, after three years we will multiply that number by a multiplier and GIVE you that many shares. The number is derived with much management effort and at great expense taking into account a whole multitude of factors so as to reward high performance and provide great motivation for all.
And three years later the multiplier is…
err…
zero.
For everybody.
Three more paydays and then I say goodbye to this insanity.
Why is the flag of Lebanon flashing?
2009-01-30| Billy saysIt appears that you need to have destroyed billions in shareholder value in order to get a decent bonus these days.
What options I have for “superior” performance are all under water or tied up in the sort of shit Mr. Camberly talks of. I live in small hope of ever being able to buy a Civic Turbo (RIP).
2009-01-31| Spike saysThe Lebanon flag is flashing in recognition of the war crimes committed by a neighbouring regime, including the systematic destruction of civilian infrastructure, the use of phosphorus, and the extensive use of American made cluster bombs, many of which failed to explode and remain waiting to blow the legs off children. The Palestinian flag would be flashing too if they had a state.
Alternatively it could just mean that Lebanon is a new visitor; in which case welcome.