I receive a call from the HSBC credit card centre in Bangkok, wanting to confirm a transaction. The last time I had received such a call was when I lashed out more than 140,000 baht on my camera. The store clerk keyed in my card number, and seconds later the credit card centre was on the phone asking if I really wanted to do this. “Of course I do, I have been waiting a year for this camera to be released, ten frames a second etc”, was probably not the answer they were looking for; but I was impressed that they had checked, given it was such a substantial amount.
But this time there had been no such transaction. There had been an inevitable handbag for she who must be obeyed (passes through the credit card and she pays me back through convoluted transactions which would count as money laundering in several countries); but nothing very recent and nothing substantial; what could it be? So I asked.
What is the transaction you wish to check?
It’s from the Apple iTunes store, sir
At this point, I worried. I spend the occasional couple of dollars on iPhone applications in the iTunes store. Perhaps someone had hacked my account and purchased the complete works of Barry Manilow for thousands of dollars. Oh, the shame of it.
And how much is the transaction?
$1.99, sir
You are calling me to confirm a transaction for $1.99?
Yes sir
Why?
For your security sir sigh
But at least I can buy stuff from the iTunes store and The Shitty Handbag Shop, because they don’t use the Master Card Secure Code check which used to work occasionally and now fails to work at all. As I found out this morning.
My son and I are not the best at timekeeping when it comes to presents. Having recently met to exchange birthday gifts, we have both been basking in the euphoric glow of giving, without realising that bloody Xmas is nearly upon us. Having pretty much resigned myself to “sending something in the new year”, I decided this morning to fall back on an old, boring standard, the Xmas hamper.
Onto my usual site and chose a rather nice basket with wine (for Harry), cheese (for Jackie) and a selection on indulgent goodies which they would both enjoy. Excellent. Now to check out, fill in my credit card number, click purchase, and, oh shit, off we go the the stupid Master Card Secure Code check which helpfully tells me I have failed to authenticate my identity, without actually giving me the opportunity to do so.
Not the first time this has happened. Used to ask for my passport number, inside leg measurement and other trifles; now it just refuses to converse with me at all, huffy bitch.
Let’s call the credit card centre. An easy to remember 14 digit phone number, printed on the back of the credit card, no use at all if you have lost your card. Then you have to juggle a series of menus, each of which have a minimum of five options, and the option you want is never sooner than number four. Finally you reach credit card services and you have to key in your credit card number followed by the hash sign. I do that and get: buzz fizz - that credit card number is not valid, please input again. So I do, and get: buzz fizz - that credit card number is not valid, please input again. So I do, and get a woman answering a phone with “Good morning, HSBC credit card services, what is your credit card number? I ask why she needs to know that given I have just keyed in the bloody number three times; we get off to a bad start.
I explain my predicament in some detail, including the fact that the transaction was rejected immediately without prompting for any information. She suggests that I must have keyed in some of the information wrong, maybe my passport number. sigh
Many years of working for a large company in many countries had taught me that you can best get on with people by not assigning blame, make out as if you yourself have done something wrong instead, even if it is quite clear that the other person is clinically stupid. So instead of suggesting she cleans out her ears, I respond with “I am sorry if I did not explain myself properly”, and go through the whole story again. She suggests, again, that I must have keyed in some of the information wrong, maybe my passport number.
I do the “sorry I did not explain myself properly” routine two times more, with the same result, before finally cracking and telling her to bloody listen to what I am saying. She changes tack and tells me to log into internet banking to clear the system. I don’t have internet banking in Thailand. She tells me how to apply on-line, which I do. Then she tells me that the pin number will be sent out from the bank, by post, next Monday; so there goes any Xmas shopping possibilities.
It is still not clear how internet banking will resolve my credit card validation problems, I fear there are more strained telephone conversations to come.
Meantime, I wonder if my son would like an iTunes song for Xmas, seems like it’s all I can buy with my credit card right now. Or a handbag.
Comments 🔗
2008-12-20| Camberley saysCurrent thinking in the scientific community is that the universe is expanding at an ever accelerating rate due to the presence of dark energy.
Up until now my theory was that this dark energy is created by Virgin Media customers who are, or have been, seeking ‘help’ on the Virgin telephone support lines. Unfortunately my calculations showed a gap, the Virgin Media Frustration Energy (VMFE) was fractionally short of being able to explain all of the dark energy in the universe. Spike, I thank you. My with the addition of HSBCFE my calculations are now complete.
I fear I will not be sharing the inevitable Nobel Prize with you though.
2008-12-21| Spike saysBut have you factored in WUBSODFE (Windows User Blue Screen Of Death Frustration Energy)?
Methinks some work to do on your calculations before you book your flight to Stockholm.
2008-12-21| Camberley saysBugger!
2008-12-22| todd saysmmmm there’s a growing trend of credit card scammers testing credit cards on itunes first, before using them for a real purchase… a small itunes transaction should go through no worries, and if it does, the card is valid and free for them to buy up big.