Grannie’s visit is coming to an end and I have been successful in defending my access to the television; helped considerably by the corrosive power of rust and the incompetence of the local cable TV provider.
Apart from eating, sleeping and yelling down the phone, Grannie has a liking for Thai TV, specifically the awful soaps which feature incompetent actors screaming at each other. I realised that, once she had established a base in front of the TV, there would be no dislodging her, and my daily routine of Xbox based games playing and downloaded content watching would be totally screwed.
My initial strategy involved an early occupation of my reclining chair, Xbox controller in one hand, coffee in the other, and a look on my face that indicated I was settling in for a long session of gaming; which indeed I was.
But last week any conflicts of interest were resolved when the pole supporting the cable TV dish decided it had spent enough years rusting, and broke. Given that the offerings from the satellite are old crap, repeats of old crap, or new crap, we weren’t missing much, or at least I wasn’t. With no TV channels available, and Grannie showing no inclination to play with the Xbox, my screen-front residency was secure.
After a couple of days I called the cable company. We’ll send round the engineer, they said, using the word “engineer” in the widest possible context, i.e. someone with a hammer. We’ll call you first to arrange an appointment.
Three days later, while I was in town, my condo reception called me to say the “engineers” had arrived, with no prior appointment. They were sent away, promising to return within the next hour, and came back the following morning. They brought a pole which was about half the length of the existing pole, and seemed surprised that it was not going to work. Undaunted, with aid of hammer, they dismantled the installation and vowed to return “soon”. Three days later they were back, this time with a longer pole and a team of three.
One individual had picked the short straw and did all the work. The second one watched the first one working and the third one spent his time picking his teeth with a piece of metal, closely examining the resulting detritus before spitting it in the general direction of a pot plant. After much fiddling they were finished and I was charged 300 baht for I know not what.
This morning I turned on the TV and was informed that the satellite signal was scrambled. Half an hour on the phone to “customer service” and at last it was fixed. I quickly turned it off before Grannie could discover that the TV was back.
But I am a generous man, and I have resolved that tomorrow it would only be fair to give her full access to the TV. Sadly, she leaves this evening so will not able to take advantage of my magnanimous offer.